The Deadliest Video Game Villain Is Not What You Think

Just when you thought it was safe to cross the street…

1. Video game cars are out to get you.

Turns out, the only thing that’s been holding them back are the simulated laws of physics.

2. Sometimes, you just barely survive…

3. …but the car will come back to finish the job.

4. You might start it - but the car will always end it.

5. Most of the time, though, the car totally starts it.

6. They’ll gang up on you.

7. And they’re the jealous type - they hate other vehicles.

8. Tractors are like little homicidal cars in training.

9. And fire trucks? Let’s just say those sirens are there for your sake.

GET THE HELL OUT OF THE WAY.

10. It’s especially dangerous when they figure out how to bring Mario Kart mushrooms into other games.

11. And for the love of Car God, don’t get them all drunk together.

12. Or let yourself get trapped with them.

13. Don’t try to run - they’ll get you.

14. Even if they miss-

15. Sometimes they don’t even want to hurt you, they just want to annoy you.

Give me back my phone, car. You do not have thumbs, you are a car.

16. Don’t be fooled by a cute exterior- video game cars are cold-blooded killing machines.

17. They will do anything to get you, even phase right through the ground itself.

18. So don’t ever let your guard down, or think you’re safe from video game cars and their vehicular counterparts, and if you get the chance…

19. …you get them before they get you.

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