In anticipation of the November 9th release of the latest Bond film, Skyfall, The Economist put together a fascinating little chart detailing James’ various tallies over the years. It’s a graphic representation of a life lived in booze, bullets, and beds. Below are a few startling realizations we had upon analyzing it.
1. Daniel Craig’s Bond has been hammered drunk for the past five years.
Mr. Craig’s Bond has cemented himself as the creepy uncle of all the Bonds with an average of five drinks per movie, and is the first Bond to embrace beer over his classic martini. He’s the Bond who shows up to the party, drinks all the vodka (or the beer, now), and shows off his gun, and by the end of the night he’s broken all the furniture and banged someone’s wife.
Bond’s known to be able to hold his liquor, and given the high-pressure stakes of galas, ballrooms, and druglords’ mistresses’ bedrooms he frequently finds himself conducting his business in, it’s an on-the-job skill he needs to have. But Jesus, he’s got a license to kill humans, not brain cells. Let a bullet take you out, man, not liver cancer.
2. Pierce Brosnan’s Bond was a murdering psychopath.
With an average of 19 kills per movie, Mr. Brosnan more than doubles the next closest Bond. It’s not all that surprising; Goldeneye was under his bloodthirsty watch, and that movie clocked in with a whopping 57 deaths, 30 of which directly at Bond’s hands. It’s the highest bodycount of any Bond film.
Mr. Craig is tied with Sean Connery for 2nd highest average bodycount, and with only two movies to Connery’s six. Honestly, I’m impressed he’s been able to do anything at all while that drunk, let alone kill people. Most drunks call it a good day when their pants go on in the morning and don’t come off until night, but Craig’s been boozing all over the globe and killing every bartender he sees.
3. Roger Moore and Sean Connery, arguably the most iconic martini drinkers of all time, are apparently the teetotalers of the Bonds.
With 13 Bond films between them - over half of the entire franchise - Connery and Moore have had ample time to enjoy their spirits. But apparently, between originating a fascinating character and permanently cementing him the pop culture consciousness, the gentlemen had their hands quite full. Connery averages one drink per film, with Moore averaging… what is that, half?!
Obviously, no one can come close to competing with Daniel Craig’s booze-swilling frat boy, but damn it, this is James Bond we’re talking about. The only thing smoother than his martinis is the way he orders them. “Shaken, not stirred” is his bloody middle name. Maybe Craig’s Bond isn’t just a drunken lout blindly careening from international death trap to international death trap. Maybe he only just realized how great this whole alcohol thing really is and has been making up for lost time.
4. On average, Sean Connery’s Bond was no better with the ladies than George Lazenby’s.
But then again, “on average” is a bit misleading in this case. Both men average three Bond girls per film, but Lazenby’s conquests occur over only one. Connery’s average of three is spread out over a staggering six, meaning by raw numbers, Connery takes the cake twice over (100% unsurprisingly- hell, I’d sleep with him) with a syphilis-inducing 18 Bond girls over his secret agent career.
James Bond of the modern millennium has been a bit more responsible in his wooing. Daniel Craig’s Bond has only bedded one woman in each of his Bond films, but then again, he’s been so drunk the whole time it’s surprising he kept it together enough to even get a phone number.