1. When they went over the Russian alphabet and we quickly realized we'd never be able to keep up.
2. When we were flown across all of Russia. Where there are white horses, and volcanoes and flying girls.
3. When everything went arctic and you wondered if those things were really floating or you were just seeing things.
4. When the rings started forming and you were like OH SHIT. I SEE WHAT YOU DID THERE.
5. But then the last ring didn't open and you felt so awkward and bad for it.
6. When the athletes came out country by country, according to the Russian alphabet. And you realized you should have paid more attention at the beginning of the show.
Teams are coming out in the alphabet order, but in the Russian alphabet order, so Zimbabwe was one of the first teams to have marched here.
What's happening here? I thought the #Olympic ceremony was in alphabetical order. We just jumped from the B's to Hungary and Venezuela.
The Russian alphabet is more baffling than the Winter sport of curling.
7. When Putin beamed with pride for his country.
8. When this little girl became the new chosen one.
9. When there was basically a giant rave.
10. When an athlete there to compete in an incredibly difficult sport went down while walking and you couldn't believe it was real.
The Opening Ceremony is off and tripping -
11. When this bear thing came out...
12. And so did its friend. And they were 900 FEET TALL. AND WERE LOOKING RIGHT AT YOU.
13. When they bowed to you and you couldn't figure out if this was live or a cereal commercial.
14. Which made you think of how much better Doge would be at this.
The olympic mascot reminds me of something #sochi
15. When dancers solemnly swore they were up to no good.
16. When this choir dressed as police and sang Daft Punk.
17. When these beautiful, delicate horses galloped across the sky followed by some random weird disk.
18. When the stadium filled with the most beautiful balloons you've ever seen.
Absolutely STUNNING! #Sochi2014 #OpeningCeremony
19. When the dancers were so intense, it made you a little bit nervous.
20. When people twirled around like a huge jellyfish.
21. When the lights started to go all flickery and it was the coolest thing you'd seen all night.
22. When the torch was lit and it all truly began.
23. And you wondered who designed the flame to look like *something else.*
It's a flaming phallus. Sorry but it is. At least from this angle.