This Is What Every Single Episode Of “The One Show” Is Like

OOOOOOOOONNNNNEEEEE ONNNNEEE ONNNNEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

1. YOU ONLY WATCH IT FOR THE OPENING TITLES

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Without this the show is nothing. NOTHING I TELL YOU.

Via youtube.com / BBC

2. Welcome to The One Show

3. *INTRODUCE SUCCESSFUL CELEBRITIES*

bbc.co.uk / BBC

This is then inevitably followed by…

4. CHEERING BY PEOPLE YOU NEVER REALLY SEE.

bbc.co.uk / BBC

5. Due to time constraints they don’t have much time for an interview at this point, so the conversation only lasts three seconds and goes something like…

6. Now to introduce the first feature.

7. Cue five minutes of a serious journalist reporting on a topical issue with a serious facial expression.

bbc.co.uk / BBC

8. The journalist is now in the studio, sitting next to the “special guest”. The journalist is very serious.

“News news news statistics one side but on the other hand statistic statistic”

9. The special guest is forced to look REALLY interested in what the serious journalist has got to say, because they are on camera and we can see him.

bbc.co.uk / BBC One

10. This is made even weirder because the “special guest” is then shoehorned into talking about the issue, even if they have no knowledge of the subject at hand.

12. Suddenly, the second feature.

13. Just before it was a topical feature, now it’s GOATS.

bbc.co.uk / BBC

bbc.co.uk / BBC

 

14. But before you change channel, hoping to catch the C4 News theme (even though it was 15 minutes ago)…

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Via youtube.com / Channel 4 News / ITN

15. …the feature is over and they’re back in the studio. They ask the “special guest” about it.

bbc.co.uk / BBC

16. This show is so weird… and you’re bored, so you say hello to the people looking a bit bored outside.

bbc.co.uk / BBC

17. And what is with this view? Their old one was epic.

Oh wait. They’re just about to finish chatting.

18. WHAT FEATURE WILL BE NEXT?

National Lottery / BBC / youtube.com

MARCUS BRIGSTOCKE INVESTIGATES HAM.

19. Here is Marcus Brigstocke talking about ham.

Ian West/PA Wire and Thinkstock

20. This show raises more questions than answers. For example, why has this been on TV since like 1926?

Radio Times / Via buzzfeed.com

21. Where is Matt Baker on Fridays?

bbc.co.uk / BBC One

22. And why are there barmy features like this?

23. Here is that cow found near the lift.

bbc.co.uk / BBC

24. This was then followed by “Richard Osman has brought in this picture of his fuse box, which he says serves no purpose in his home”*

This is not an exaggeration. This feature actually happened.

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