2. Having your birthday during these months is awful. Why? Because you are the youngest person in your school year.
So while your friends can get into bars because they look older than you (or they are of actual legal age) drinking consists of…
3. Constantly trying to get into bars by trying to pass off your supermarket discount card as legal identification.
4. Spending every second in the bar paranoid in case your birth date gets found out by the staff, so you spend most of the time under the table.
You bore your friends with “What if the bartender finds out and then rings the police, and then the police take me court and then in court I’m found guilty and then I kill my jailmate? And then I get put in front of a war crimes tribunal and then AND THEN HAVE TO DIE?”
5. You hide alcohol by putting it in a McDonalds carton or sticking it down your pants.
6. Or get barred for drinking in the bar so you have to pay a weird man with a beard to buy you drinks at the shop.
7. Failing that, you get drunk in a field until you notice that it’s dark, you’re lost, and oh god there are COWS THERE ARE COWS EVERYWHERE OH GOD.
8. Then there are the drinks you have when you’re underage. Drinks in absolutely horrific colours.
WHY GREEN? WHY?
9. Why are they all spelled slightly wrong?
Why? Because it’s the cheapest. THAT’S WHY.
10. Why is the packaging so oddly sized?
11. And why does the packaging look as if it was designed by a dog on Microsoft Paint?
12. Your perception at this age of what drinks should contain is also a bit off.
13. And because you’re so skint, you also can’t afford anything fancy to go with your drink, like salt or nice lemon slices.
Even though you just spent 10 times more money on actual alcohol.
14. Your tolerance with alcohol isn’t that great. When you’re 21 you can drink all of this in one session.
But when you start drinking at age 17? All you can handle before you are wasted is this.
16. And you text everyone to boast how DRUNK YOU ARE AND HOW GREAT THIS ALL IS.
17. But suddenly one of your friends disappears.
Where has he gone? He was really enjoying feeling the walls between the kitchen and the living room 25 minutes ago.
18. You track him down. He’s in the toilet.
But you know, it could be worse. It could be you.
19. FACING INTO THE TOILET OF DOOOOOOOOM.
20. I mean, you can move whenever you want right?