Well.
Oh.
Errm.
MMMMFFFFFF......
I'll stop. There are OTHER reasons why you will be watching the second series.
1. For example, you'll enjoy wondering why most of the show consists of him wearing this very stange thing called "clothes". Yeah, I know.
Clo-. Clootthsss. Cll-otthees. Nope.
What is that fabric? It's distracting. I can't.
2. You also enjoy the sexy studio.
3. And the fact that Gabby Logan manages to say this with a straight face at the start of each week's show.
4. And you particularly admire the fact that a show consisting of about ten three-second dives...
... can manage to occupy 90 minutes of prime-time TV.
5. Then there are the "celebrities" who take part...
Wow.
6. And the "intelligence" of some of these "celebrities".
Credit: http://seanmorrisons.tumblr.com/ and ITV / TwoFour
7. Any dive they do? "Incredible"... apparently.
8. Then there's the judges.
9. But don't diss her. Jo supplies words of wisdom.
10. The supposed excitement in the show? When somebody goes from a slightly high board to an even higher board.
You really don't care, do you? The only thing you care about is whether they spectacularly injure themselves.
11. Whilst the judges and the presenters are sympathetic to their injuries, you're like...
12. After six dives? A DANCE NUMBER.
A man in a suit on a bicycle riding into the middle of a swimming pool? THIS SHOW IS AMAZING.
(FYI you have now drunk a lot of wine)
13. BUT NEVER MIND THAT. It's the results. The "celebrities" are now lined up on small diving boards.
14. The two with the lowest scores? They compete in the "SPLASH-OFF", which is not a double entrendre.
15. THE TENSION OF THE SPLASH-OFF.
THE OTHER CONTESTANT DIVE?
16. Okay fine it all seems pointless. But think of what nights are like without Splash! That's right, you watching WWII tank documentaries on BBC 2.
Instead you've got a man in his pants...
