CLOCKS. ARE. GOING. BACK. THIS. WEEKEND.
In the US? Not till next month.
We all know that this change is important to farmers.
1. So why is the clocks going back so absolutely awesome? Cos we’ll be firmly back in Greenwich Mean Time, ie the greatest time in the universe.
UTC can suck it.
A line so cool that it is like the centre of the universe and time and that, with its epicentre in Greenwich.
A measurement of time so cool that the line is SHOT INTO THE SKY FROM GREENWICH EVERY NIGHT.
2. Why else is the clocks going back really quite cool? WE WILL GO BACK IN TIME LIKE THE DOCTOR*
*You don’t actually move location, everything else goes back in time with you and it only happens once at 2am when you’re most likely asleep.
3. And as time has gone back you die earlier. If time didn’t change you wouldn’t die an hour earlier**
**DON’T CRITICIZE MY SCIENTIST LOGIC HERE. P.S. I am not a scientist. P.P.S You’ll only die an hour earlier until March as the clocks go forwards again.
5. An EXTRA HOUR to drunkenly text your ex about what you really think of them and tell them where to stick it.
7. An EXTRA hour for foreplay and sexual intercourse.
9. An EXTRA HOUR to get confused about when the shops are actually open on a Sunday.
10. An EXTRA HOUR to enjoy the tiny cartoon on Sunday papers telling you that clocks went back and that you’ve got an EXTRA HOUR today.
11. An EXTRA HOUR to enjoy reading stories about people who had their days ruined because their iPhones didn’t remember the time change.
12. An EXTRA HOUR to panic-watch Breaking Bad (because soon people won’t be talking about Breaking Bad and you really need to fit in).
13. And an EXTRA HOUR to make BuzzFeed posts about why the clocks going back is the most exciting thing ever.
- At least 13 people were killed after severe storms and flooding hit the French Riviera on Saturday evening. At least six more are missing. ›
- Doctors Without Borders says 19 people died after a U.S. airstrike caused possible collateral damage at a hospital in Afghanistan. ›
- The Catholic Church fired high-ranking Vatican official Monsignor Krzysztof Charamsa. He came out as gay on Saturday. ›