Pop into Waitrose for a few things? Oh GO ON.
But from the moment you start shopping in Waitrose, you start to encounter a few problems.
1. You have to convince your friends the whole time that Waitrose isn't posh, when it sells this.
And this.
And this.
2. AND you have to make sure that you avoid these really really REALLY expensive products.
£17.50 for honey? A STEAL.
3. You also have to keep convincing yourself that these products are actually really really "essential".
That you need these to survive.
That without ironing water and candles you would die.
4. Want good news? If you spend over £5 and if you have a myWaitrose card you get a free Guardian!
5. The bad? There are no Guardians left. Would you like a FREE copy of the Daily Mail instead?
6. If you're a regular you can use one of these.
And you love using it because using the laser makes you feel like you've got superpowers.
But can you scan half your own products? NOPE.
7. But at least you get intimidated by the hot staff.
waitrose hires the most attractive guys #impeccabletaste
Sarah Rouse
@sarahrouse
waitrose hires the most attractive guys #impeccabletaste
Is it okay for me to admit that I managed to find the attractive man that served me in Waitrose yesterday on Facebook? Asking for a friend.
Sam C
@FearfulLuddite
Is it okay for me to admit that I managed to find the attractive man that served me in Waitrose yesterday on Facebook? Asking for a friend.
Can't cope round the attractive girls in waitrose, nearly spilled my basket of pâté anchovies gold top milk and prosciutto #pahnic
John Tuggindale
@JohnPaulisha
Can't cope round the attractive girls in waitrose, nearly spilled my basket of pâté anchovies gold top milk and prosciutto #pahnic
8. You've now got to face going down the chilled aisle, which can be a little bit nippy.
9. BUT at the other side of the supermarket is the wine section, so let's treat ourselves to some wine.
OH MY GOD. SO MUCH WINE.
10. HOW DO I CHOOSE WHAT WINE TO BUY?
A store assistant, called Colin, starts to walk over to you and is about to ask whether you want any help.
So you do the natural thing. You run away.
11. You then go to the self-service checkout, then realise that you can only pay by card. Pennies are for the common people.
12. But at least you've got your myWaitrose card, which promises you discounts on your purchases.
But how much do you save? This much.
13. And now armed with your green tokens, you now have the worst choice you will ever have to make.
14. That's right. Having to decide who to donate to at the Community Matters charity auction thing.
THANKS WAITROSE. THANKS.
