For Sale: A Luxury Fortress On Wheels

So let me guess, now you’re wondering: “Respect? Luxury? Babes? There is no way that I can have all that for a mere $3000.00…” Well guess what chief, you’re WRONG, because you CAN!

HEY YOU!

Yea, thats right pal, I’m talking to you.

Are you sick and tired of driving a car that makes you look like a total gibroni? I know I’m sick and tired of you doing that.

SO CHECK THIS:

BOOM! 2000 Ford Crown Victoria. The instant you slip into the driver’s seat of this baller-assed luxury fortress on wheels: Instant street cred.

People will immediately respect you once you hit the streets in this fully-sick swagger wagon. And it shows when every car around you hits the brakes as soon as they see you approaching. Obviously as a sign they acknowledge your superiority to them, I mean come on, LOOK AT THIS THING!!!

Oh my god, this thing has power everything, you don’t even need to break a sweat; but you might with the ultra hot-blowing heater. Too hot? Then CHILL. This thing has A/C that blows colder than snowman fellatio.

This fine automobile was driven by none other than my grandfather, the legendary Tony K. Tony only rolled in this auto when he really felt the urge to style on the common-people, so it was taken out of its stable only on occasion; hence, the incredibly low mileage.

Tony only sought the best care for his stallion, so it requires nothing mechanically (except maybe for some new brake rotors - Tony kept these ones the way they are because he was all about the Shimmy-Shimmy-ya ;).

Jealous haters attempted to flex on Tony’s machine once or twice before, resulting in several scuffs and dings, but Tony decided to keep them on the car as a warning sign to others that he is not to be flexed with. He also kept the interior extra-immaculate, because this car was Tony’s temple, and he didn’t want to offend the gods of luxury.

Tony was also a family man, and he wants his chariot to go to another family man who can make great use of it. No family?! NO PROBLEM!! This thing is a 5 star hotel on wheels, and has PLENTY of room to start a family. Believe it. When babes see you rolling, they WILL recognize.

So let me guess, now you’re wondering: “Respect? Luxury? Babes? There is no way that I can have all that for a mere $3000.00…” Well guess what chief, you’re WRONG, because you CAN!

All you’ve gotta do is give me a call at 241-8223, and we can set you up a date of acquisition for this sleek, sexy, powerful dream-machine. DO IT! CALL NOW BEFORE IT’S TOO LATE! YOU OWE THIS TO YOURSELF!!!

Check out more articles on BuzzFeed.com!

This post was created by a user and has not been vetted or endorsed by BuzzFeed's editorial staff. BuzzFeed Community is a place where anyone can post awesome lists and creations. Learn more or post your buzz!

Facebook Conversations
          
    Hot Buzz

    FIFA To Investigate After Fans Wear Blackface To Ghana World Cup Match

    fail

    “Sexy Felon” Jeremy Meeks Just Got Offered A Modeling Contract

    fail
    Now Buzzing