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POETRY BATTLE FRIDAY!!!

Come on you insane wordsmiths, you bone-crushing poets!!! COME AT ME!!! IT'S A POETRY BATTLE!!!!! Here's how a poetry battle works: You submit your poems below, we'll pick some winners, and we'll film Jack reading them in his fancy British accent. It's a fucking battle!!!!!!

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28 Responses So Far

  • Anita   POETRY BATTLE FRIDAY!!!  about 2 years ago
  • Anita
    2 years ago
  • so there i was on my jack
    knackered as a bloke can be
    hankering to nip on down
    to the boulevard to fetch me
    brolly from the boot o' me
    auto
    and blimey i nearly took
    a brad in me trousers on the
    sight of the buzzed feeding lad
    digging through the rubbish bin
    for things to post to the interwebs this yank is a right foul git i tell you
    and his site a load of daff

    rogermugs
    2 years ago
  • Leapin' Lanny Poffo aka The Genius has something he would like to say to you all.

    matthew williamson
    2 years ago
  • A Haiku: Fifty-Eight Letters
    And Seventeen Syllables
    And Ten Pointless Words

    Rollerball
    2 years ago
  • Title: At The Discotheque I saw you last night
    at the discotheque.
    From you looks I could tell
    You were a discoczech.
    So I laced up my platform boots
    and took a discotrek
    across the multicolored dancefloor. You said you used to live
    In discoUtrecht.
    Started feelin’ lots of love,
    gave you a discopeck
    on your cheek and on your disconeck.
    We danced all night to some
    discoBeck. We went to my place, and under the stars
    made love on my parents’ discodeck
    for an hour or two and then watched
    discoShrek. Crashed in my bed, slept till nine.
    Woke up not feelin’ too fine.
    Tequila sunrise, this must be a sign.
    I’m such a discowreck…

    billspoke
    2 years ago
  • Bree thinks POETRY BATTLE FRIDAY!!! is LOL  about 2 years ago

  • i go forwards
    i go back
    here and there
    never far
    even further
    been and seen
    and never saw
    to go back
    and go forwards
    i will spin
    these wheels
    and swing
    these legs
    and throw
    my arms
    up and out
    around
    back down
    over
    us

    lchen
    2 years ago
  • They dwelt among th'Internets,
    WTF, LOL, and Eww,
    tagg'd memes no one forgets
    nor could if they wanted to. I rejoice to see an epic fail,
    a cat behind a keyboard playing,
    that Cornell Business School email,
    Hitler finding MJ's death dismaying. They live well-lov'd, and few could know
    If e'er they'll cease to be;
    But now they're here and viral, and Oh!
    What joy they bring to me!

    Jake Petit
    2 years ago
  • A breast enhanced singer
    New photos (upskirt)
    Charlie bit my finger
    And it hurt

    therblig
    2 years ago
  • billspoke
    2 years ago
  • http://jongleursrespite.blogspot.com

    billspoke
    2 years ago
  • Clark Candy   POETRY BATTLE FRIDAY!!!  about 2 years ago
  • I got a little teary after typing that.

    Chopped
    2 years ago
  • I write only depressing shit:  When I look in the mirror,
    You are there.
    When I sleep,
    You are there.
    I try to take off my skin
    But you will not disappear.
    I do not invite you,
    But always you come.
    I ask you to leave,
    But you stay.
    I have tried to be forceful,
    I have tried to be kind.
    In the end I have realized,
    I will not win.
    I sat down today and wrote you a letter:
    Oh loneliness,
    Thou art a true friend,
    Ever there when I am down…
    Never to leave my side,
    No matter how hard I try to push you away….

    Jamey H.
    2 years ago
  • William Wordsworth would not be proud
    That Buzzfeed hath defiled his cloud
    With pictures and videos which muster
    Abundant cute and wtf luster
    Poetry is valued by its content
    And as a self aware poem I do not consent
    To being reduced to my creator's whim
    Of singing the internets a sleazy hymn
    Good day old chap or Obama's elf
    When this is done I will shoot myself
    *Bang*

    crkelley
    2 years ago
  • There once was a site called buzzfeed
    I'd visit when really high on weed
    I take a big toke
    And laugh at a joke
    While munching on sunflower seed

    gillyp
    2 years ago
  • Jenny Young   POETRY BATTLE FRIDAY!!! and thinks it’s OMG  about 2 years ago
  • ingridf   POETRY BATTLE FRIDAY!!! and thinks it’s LOL  about 2 years ago
  • The little dog
    The little frothing dog
    The little frothing dog sat
    The little frothing dog sat uneasily
    Drooling
    Drooling profusely
    Drooling very profusely
    Drooling very profusely while I ate my chips.

    ingridf
    2 years ago
  • Poetry is gay Poetry is gay,
    I mean really,
    Who even writes poetry in this modern day? It's not quite as gay,
    As being in a man, balls deep,
    But about the same gay,
    Of a urinal peek.
    So I won't rhyme,
    For your fruity battle.
    I won't wax poetic,
    Like just another of the gay cattle.
    I won't put on my favorite silk shirt
    I won't wear my skinny jeans
    I won't have perfect hair,
    As I go out with some queens.
    I won't join your rabble,
    and simply say, “What the heck”
    Mostly, you understand,
    Because I fear Glenn Beck.

    MrMonkeyPants
    2 years ago
  • Dina D.   POETRY BATTLE FRIDAY!!!  about 2 years ago
  • Haikus rule your face
    Just because you can write them
    Doesn't mean you're rad

    Teo A.
    2 years ago
  • “Oh, Buzzfeed” American Apparel has got nipple slips for days,
    And Dakota Fanning is over that awkward phase.
    Remember when Christina Aguilara was cool?
    You know its fun to watch Ms. Prejean look a fool
    The Clemson rowing team flaunted their moose knuckles,
    And that skydive prank made me release some chuckles.
    I don’t really care for mayo OR whip,
    But did you see that sweet-ass wheel barrel flip?
    Usually Buzzfeed's got the goods to keep ‘em entertained,
    But sometimes I see something that leaves me pained.
    Such as a poor sweet seal getting shot in the face,
    I could try to defend you, but this is not the case.
    I’m still upset that you posted such an event,
    I hope you’ve all considered how to repent.
    But I came back, cuz you’ve got what I need,
    There’s no one quite like you, my F’ed up Buzzfeed.

    ELROD
    2 years ago
  •  

    In Response to a Buzzfeed Post “OMG that is disgusting,
    how could you post this trash?”
    “Oh stop being such a pussy,
    she's not dead it's just a rash”
    “the tentacles don't match her skin
    it's such a blatant shoop”
    “for no reason here's a picture
    of a monkey eating poop”
    “that's not funny, Octotitus
    is a terrible disease,
    my second cousin Leo
    had it right above his knees”
    “I threw up just a little
    in my mouth”
    “I fapped”
    “I lol'd”
    “This is lame, I've seen this picture
    it's at least 3 hours OLD”

    ☁Spam Of God☁
    2 years ago
    gold-star
  • ON HOW EATING TOO MUCH CHOCOLATE IS IN THESE GENES Tramp was the stooge, Tramp was the patsy,
    sorry victim of her reputation.
    We believed what we were told, we
    joined in the bitch's vilification Each Christmas, after all, we saw her
    snaffling the edible tree decorations -
    (maybe the sight was sewn all along,
    as alternative to this aberration) The trap was laid, the game afoot
    when Easter morning brought its reward.
    “Go out with your aunt this afternoon”
    that plotting villain reassured us full of trust (what can a child e'er
    do but trust in maternal concern),
    on a day ripe with anticipation
    for the oval treats of our return. But hark! the tale, such a tale, unfolds
    “This wretched mutt, rapacious hound,
    dear boy, has guzzled what was yours”
    O Weasel Words! Black lies abound! And so it was, and so it remained
    until years, nay, even decades later
    the meagrest creeping tardy guilt
    finally fell on the perpetrator when Tramp, poor Tramp, the slandered pet
    no longer had bark nor larcenous bite,
    that wicked woman, so-called parent
    deigned then to put the story aright. And so, poor Tramp, impulsive mongrel,
    a thousand pardons from you I beg
    that I ever doubted it was my mother
    who stole and ate my Easter egg.

    David M.
    2 years ago

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