• Britney Spears

    Disney Pop Tart, who dated Justin Timberlake, sold a lot of records and wore a pink wig. Then the state of California declared her incompetent and made her a ward of her father.

  • Nostradamus

    16th century psychic that some claim predicted the rise of Hitler, The World Trade Center attacks and many other historical events.

  • Walt Disney

    Abused child turned animator who built the Disney empire.

  • Taylor Swift

    Country/pop musician loved by tweens. A better-than-average role model who is unlucky in love and acceptance speeches.

  • Jon Knight

    The shy, sensitive heartthrob from New Kids On The Block who dated Tiffany.

  • Winston Churchill

    The British leader who was always flashing peace signs and who everyone said your newborn “looks just like.”

  • Jenny McCarthy

    Gregarious, foul-mouth actress and television personality who once dated Jim Carey, is outspoken about autism and loves Botox.

  • Jay-Z

    The H to the izz-O, V to the izz-A hip-hop mogul who married Beyonce.

  • Ben Stiller

    The actor whose sperm Cameron Diaz puts in her hair in There’s Something About Mary.

  • Richard Pryor

    Iconic grand-daddy of stand-up comedy who once set himself on fire smoking crack.

  • Woody Allen

    Self-professed neurotic filmmaker who was once in a 12-year relationship with Mia Farrow and then cheated on her with their adopted daughter. He loves to be psychoanalyzed.

  • Jim Morrison

    A writer and front man of The Doors who dedicated himself to mind-altering substances.

  • Lucy Liu

    One of the hottest bitches alive who appeared in Ally McBeal and Kill Bill.

  • Billy Idol

    Spiky-haired ’80s rocker with an Elvis-like sneer. Wrote “White Wedding” and was a huge fan of Heidi Fleiss’s work.

  • Vanessa Hudgens

    A Disney star who Zack Efron nailed regularly.

  • Jude Law

    English actor known for romancing young starlets and his receding hairline. Acted in many movies including Cold Mountain and The Talented Mr. Ripley.

  • Frank Sinatra

    Prolific crooner who sang “Strangers in the Night,” starred in many movies and who conspiracy theorists speculate to have had some involvement with the Mafias assassination of the Kennedy brothers.

  • Tara Reid

    Once actress turned drunken mess who at some point was mutilated by a plastic surgeon.

  • Tiger Woods

    Prolific golfer and adulterer.

  • Ozzy Osbourne

    Incoherent heavy metal God and front man of Black Sabbath who once bit the head off a bat and pissed on the Alamo.