1. The “I go to the gym EVERY SINGLE DAY” type.
“Look at my virtual muscles, Facebook world!” * Ferociously flexes in mirror* “Awww yeah! Feels good!”
2. The type who hate the “I go to the gym EVERY SINGLE DAY” type.
*Actively averts eyes from virtual muscles*
3. The type who treat their Facebook photos in the same manner that Beyoncé treats her tour photos.
Those photos were NOT authorized by yours truly and therefore they will be hidden from the view of the general public ASAP.
4. The type who try to be condescending towards others.
However, they fail at this most of the time. Case in point: “Althougth.”
5. And the type who are more than happy to call out those failures.
“They would be so lost without me.” *Pats self on back while sitting in computer chair*
6. The type who are too emotionally expressive on social media.
STATUS: “I stepped on a dandelion outside. I am so stupid and such a bother to society. I don’t deserve to be loved.” :*(
7. And the type who are not expressive enough.
Time to put an ad in the lost and found section of the paper.
8. The type who constantly perpetuate girl hate for no reason.
STATUS: “Hey girl walking in front of me, your dress is like WAY too short. Like, I don’t want to see any of your legs OKAY. Or your arms. Or even your face. Or any part of you, really. Like, do the world a favor and just get an invisibility cloak ‘cause you look like complete trash OKAY.”
9. The type who post, like or share moderately inspirational quotes.
11. The type who proudly flaunt their redneck qualities for all to see.
STATUS: “I reckon I’m a redneck all 8 days of the week.”
12. The type who really do live by this statement.
“Pizza in x-pro or pasta in walden? Hmm. Ya know, I’mmmm going to need another moment to look over this menu.”
13. And the type who really do live by this statement.
14. The type who write statuses about EVERYTHING going on in their life.
”.. And that’s how I simultaneously exposed 3 of the bones in my left hand and got arrested for indecent exposure.”
15. And the type who loooove that you do.
On their eHarmony profile, oversharing is definitely listed as a turn on.
16. The type who, at this point, have assumed bizarre parental tendencies due to an abundance of baby photos.
Says the person scrolling down their news feed, “Their baby started crawling. I’m not sure why it matters to me because I haven’t seen them since I was 8 years old, but can you believe it did that? Aw!”
17. The type who flood your news feed with political opinions and rants 24/7.
They just want to let you know why they hate a certain political party.. and why their point of view is the best.. and why you’re stupid for disagreeing with them.. and why they cannot BELIEVE that anyone would think differently than they do.. and now, if you’ll excuse them, they’re off to go be sad and/or angry about the world. /status.