The act of getting bangs is an autumnal ritual as old as time. Every fall we mourn the loss of heat, humidity and Lime-a-ritas by sacrificing our face-framing hairs to the gods of summer. Through this act, we are reborn.
Although this sacrifice is traditionally performed by the female sex, male bangs have existed for nearly as long, peaking in popularity 2011, the year of the Bieber. Twelve brave boys volunteered to imitate the bangs ritual and share their stories.
Kevin
"Before bangs my hair was totally out of control and unmanageable. I literally couldn't even deal. But after bangs I magically had more confidence, felt sexier, and even though it added hair, I've never felt as if I could get ready faster! Thank you so much for this Sarah, I truly feel like it changed my life!"
- Kevin
Matt
"Before: ugly, boring, and lame. After: fab, hot, and full of sex."
- Matt
Tommy
"Now I just want to put on a turtleneck and go apple picking. Pumpkin pie!"
- Tommy
Tanner
"When I put on the bangs and looked in the mirror, I realized I had become my mom. Which is awesome. I love my mom so much! She makes mad delicious carrot soup and always went to my high school baseball games. I love you mom!"
- Tanner
Dave
"I put on the bangs and immediately terrible memories came flooding back to me. It was four years ago, and I had this haircut. I had just decided to ask this girl I liked, Marissa, out on a date. It was raining as I biked to Bushwick Country Club, my heart heavy with the prospect of new love. When I got there, she was sitting at the bar, alone. I rushed up to her and proclaimed my undying love. She took a deep breath, and her eyes met mine. For a moment it seemed as if time stopped. It me and Marissa together, my love stretching out on the cosmic plane. ‘Ewww, your bangs are all wet and stringy,’ was all she could say. ‘Like little pieces of spaghetti.’ I chopped my Bieber bangs off that night, and never saw Marissa again. Also, this is me taking a Fish Gape photo, it’s when you do the face a fish does. Get it? Have a nice day."
- Dave
Ryan
"I have to say, I was skeptical at first. I don't really like stuff touching my face. That being said, the bangs were surprisingly pleasant! They made me feel like I could stylishly hide my left eye, which obviously is my bad eye."
- Ryan
Dorsey
"Move over Zooey Deschanel, there's a new adorkable friend in town, and this time it's manic pixie dream man!"
- Dorsey
Jack
"Wow, wearing bangs mad me feel crazy good. I felt like I could do anything. Anything! Anything. *whispers* Anything...."
- Jack
Isaac
"Bangs make feel like a sexy emo rockstar. Why in the fuck was I even living life without bangs?"
- Isaac
Andrew
"Before BANGS I could not stand to look at my poor excuse for hair. I've literally tried, like, every product on the market and NOTHING WORKED!!! Also I was very confused all the time (probably bc my hairs were like going into my brain or something?) ANYWAY now that I have implemented BANGS into my life I feel like my TRUE SELF again. <3#3333."
- Andrew
Ahmed
"I regret agreeing to do this."
- Ahmed