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    Everything You Love About "The Sound Of Music" Is A Lie

    Despite the classic Rodgers & Hammerstein musical portraying the history of the von Trapp family as a bold, passionate, flee-Nazis-in-the-night love story, the reality was quite different.

    Everything You Like About "The Sound Of Music" Probably Isn't True

    Last Thursday night, at the request of my mother, I tuned into The Sound of Music Live! on NBC, along with 18.5 million others. My mom loves the iconic musical and was going on and on about how it was based on a true story and how incredible it was that the real Maria and Georg defied all odds, fleeing the Nazis and escaping to Switzerland by traversing the Alps with their family, suitcases and instruments in tow.

    This prompted a Google search, since anything "based on a true story" really translates to "loosely based on a true story." Or in the case of The Sound of Music, "based on true story, minus a lot of what's essential to the plot, especially the centric love story."

    As we discovered through the national archives and Wikipedia, Maria was pretty much "meh" about Georg when he asked her to marry him, and they didn't flee through any mountains after performing for Nazis, they booked train tickets in advance and told everyone they planned to go to America to sing, "pretending nothing," the daughter, Maria von Trapp is quoted as saying.

    Here are more not-so-fun facts about the reality behind the von Trapp family:

    6. There were actually 10 von Trapp kids, not 7, and all of the names and genders were changed for the play, movie, and now the NBC special starring Carrie Underwood. Plus, they all already sang before Maria came to look after them.

    5. Georg, who is portrayed as a pretty big prick in the beginning of the play, was actually a warm and loving father who enjoyed singing with his children. Obviously the cold, villainesque angle works better for film, but his family was less than pleased by the characterization.

    4. Despite the play indicating the von Trapps escaped to Switzerland, they actually went to Italy. Apparently Georg was born in Zadar (now in Croatia), which became part of Italy in 1920, so he, his wife, and his children were Italian citizens. And again, they didn't get to Italy by fleeing though the Alps, they booked a train, which while being exponentially more dull, is thankfully less dangerous for the actual family.

    3. Max Detweiler, played by Christian Borle in NBC's live version, the millionaire-obsessed music promoter, actually never existed. The von Trapps' musical director was their priest, the Reverend Franz Wasner.

    2. As I mentioned above, Maria was far from breathless when she looked at Georg. She honestly wasn't even that into him. According to her autobiography, she "really and truly was not in love." She was actually mad on their wedding day because she wanted to be a nun, but apparently Mother Abbess--played by superhuman broadway performer Audra McDonald in NBC's version (and she killed it btw)--told her it was God's will for her to marry Georg, and so it was.

    1. Lastly, turns out Maria was into more than kittens' whiskers, woolen mittens, and packages tied up with strings (why?)--she was also into freaking the f*** out. The description of the real Maria von Trapp paints a picture more akin to Charlie Sheen than Julie Andrews. She apparently had fits of anger where she would yell, throw things, and slam doors. Her stepdaughter was quoted as saying she "had a terrible temper. . . . From one moment to the next, you didn't know what hit her. [W]e took it like a thunderstorm that would pass."

    So, Sound of Music lovers, sorry if your dreams are shattered. But don't worry, you can find new, better ones, by climbing every mountain, following every rainbow, and fording every stream. JK, that's probably all BS, too.