1. You oversleep and show up late.
Why does school start so early?!
3. You get mistaken for a student by the staff.
4. You get mistaken for a student by the students.
Oh, I don’t look old enough to be a teacher? Well you don’t look old enough to STOP ME FROM GIVING YOU DETENTION.
5. You horribly mispronounce a couple kids’ names when you call roll.
6. You horribly mispronounce ten or more kids’ names while calling roll.
Your parents were all on drugs when they thought these up; WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME.
7. You forget to read your sub information sheet and send a kid to the office with the attendance.
Surprise! An office aide comes for it; the kids aren’t supposed to leave the room!
8. You let five kids go to the library.
Really would have helped if you’d read the sub info sheet.
9. You accidentally blurt out a curse word.
Oh my god, everyone just pretend you didn’t hear that. I’m so sorry, it won’t happen again!! AND DON’T USE THAT WORD YOURSELVES.
10. You give the students the wrong assignment.
Oh, you’re done with it? Well, haha, funny story, that was actually just the extra work for people who finish early. Here’s your real assignment!
11. You have to get onto a student for using their phone while playing on your phone.
Why can I have my phone and you can’t? Umm…because the law of school says so.
12. Someone asks for help on a question and you give them the wrong answer.
Why in God’s name did I ever decide to sub in a math class?
13. You get hit on by a student.
MY CAR IS OLDER THAN YOU.
14. You accidentally blurt out another curse word.
15. You make a joke with references that the kids don’t get.
“Guys, you’re making this assignment way harder than it is. I feel like a temple guard watching you try to put together the Shrine of the Silver Monkey…Really? No one? No one got it. Is this what being old feels like? This is definitely what being old feels like.”
16. You leave campus to buy lunch and are late coming back.
“I’ll just run in Subway real fast, that’ll be quick!”
“Oh god, everyone else just ran in Subway…this line is insane.”
“FINALLY got my sandwich, do I have time to sit down and eat it?”
“Wait, WHAT TIME WAS I SUPPOSED TO BE BACK?!”
“EVERYONE GET OUT OF MY WAAAAAAAAAAAAAY”
17. Your students are already in the classroom waiting on you after lunch and you walk of shame past them.
18. You try to eat in front of the students but feel too awkward in the silent classroom.
Haven’t you people ever seen someone eat Subway before?!
19. You play Words With Friends to kill time until your plan period and an ad suddenly blares out into the silent classroom.
MY PHONE IS ON SILENT WTF WHY AREN’T YOU?!?!
20. You let out a string of expletives.
No, whatever. You guys just talk to me when you’re older and see how you do.
21. You FINALLY manage to eat your sandwich on your plan period but get spicy mustard all over some papers on the desk.
Hope that wasn’t important.
22. Just as your students come back, you start to feel sick and need to go to the bathroom.
23. You realize that your Subway sat out for hours and is now giving you food poisoning.
24. You find yourself throwing up in a school bathroom.
25. You have to abandon your class to tell someone you need to go home.
“Okay, you guys be good…I’m just gonna take this trashcan with me.”
26. The secretary thinks you’re a student so you have to sit down and wait until she’s not busy.
“Oh, you’re the sub aren’t you? I thought you were a student, sorry about that!”