1. We will never, ever be interested in your chat about how difficult you're finding Dry January.
2. We can see the fear in your eyes when we tell you we don't drink.
3. But we don't actually judge you when we're sober.
4. Apart from on the night bus or the last tube home. We judge your behaviour on those.
5. We feel awful the morning after a big night too.
6. And we still send stupid texts to our exes and embarrass ourselves.
7. We like going to the pub with you but wish there were more... activities.
8. We don't understand the etiquette of buying a round.
9. And we will never, ever offer to buy one.
10. We don't understand how you guys can go so long without food.
11. We wish there were more beverage choices for us.
12. People always want to know WHY we don't drink.
13. And you love telling us about the time you quit drinking.
14. We find it really awkward when someone says, "Shall we just split it?" after a big group dinner.
15. We admit: Sometimes we do feel a bit smug.
16. But that's far outweighed by the intense FOMO we experience.
17. The only night we find really tough is New Year's Eve.
18. No, we're not all vegetarian.
19. AND NO, FOR THE LAST TIME, WE ARE NOT PREGNANT.
