Awkward like a french kiss from your grandma...
I don't know who was more terrified in the aftermath of Miley's VMA performance: Hannah Montana fans or Robin Thicke (and his subsequently awkward car ride home with his wife).
It couldn't be mere coincidence that the camera panned to current reigning bad girl Rihanna while Mizz Cyrus twerked and tongued her way across stage. Rihanna herself is no stranger to gyrating and being half naked. But I think it's fair to assume her audience doesn't walk away feeling violated like we all did last night watching Miley. So though her targeted performance may have been inspired by the likes of Rihanna (complete with thorough crotch touching); she fell more into Courtney Love/Lindsay Lohan territory.
So we get it Miley, you want to be bad. You want to do whatever you want, whenever you want. And it's commendable that you're open about being an attention seeker. But there are some lines bad girls only tease, and lines you altogether crossed prompting some very uncomfortable feelings. Let me list why:
#1: The whole giant sexual teddy thing would be cool if you weren't a Disney star like 5 seconds ago. You may have made a comeback for Pedo-Bear and that means you lose points.
#2: So the Gwen Stefani makeup and hair, compounded with the Katy Perry outfit, and Rihanna dance moves seem like the perfect storm. But it's sort of like mixing glitter, stripes, and flannel. Combining all three last night was a molotov cocktail for you Miley.
#3: You may have made older men very happy with your perfomance whilst bent over Robin Thicke, but being built like a tween also means parents everywhere felt violated; even the mom from Mean Girls is disappointed in you. It was like watching your baby sister twerk on your dad.
#4: Bad girls tend to be attractive to everyone, just dateable by few. Even the likes of One Direction had no idea where you were going with that.
#5: While you may intended to be a trend setter, it's possible the only thing we saw a boost in sales in was tongue cleaners. We could have lived with 50 less appearances from your mouth muscle. Maybe she was thirsty? (Double meaning!)
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