Don’t worry, all dogs go to Heaven!
"Will this dog go to Heaven?"
You bet he will!
"What about this dog?"
Him too! All dogs go to Heaven!
"Even this dog?"
Well…that's a cat. But maybe it’ll go to Heaven!
"What about this dog?"
Again, that is not a dog.
"Are you saying this lovely grandmother is not going to Heaven?"
She might! It’s just a lot more complicated with people than with dogs.
"So the most evil dog in the world gets to live forever in Heaven, but my grandma is condemned to Hell for all eternity?"
I’m not saying that! All I’m saying is that all dogs go to Heaven.
"What about these dogs?"
Great question! Yes, these dogs will definitely go to Heaven!
"But not Grandma?"
I don't know! How could I know that? How could anyone know that?
"If I go to Heaven, will my dog be there? Or will he be in a second, Dog Heaven?"
I really have no idea.
"Could my grandmother go to Dog Heaven?"
She would be very out of place there. She wouldn’t enjoy it.
"So Grandma belongs in Dog Hell according to you?"
No, of course not!
"What kind of all-powerful deity would design a system where dogs–slobbering, brainless dogs–all go to Heaven, but my grandmother doesn’t?"
That’s…that’s a very big question.
"Will I go to Heaven?"
Yes!*
*assuming that you are a dog