29 T-Shirts You Must Never, Ever Wear

Too many tees scream “douchebag”. Here’s a guide to how to avoid them.

1. First off: remember, no one ever, ever got laid because of a T-shirt.

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2. Ever.

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3. No one is going to fall for it.

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4. Seriously, mate, give it up.

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5. In fact, steer away from any allusion to sex at all. Yup, even ‘funny’ puns.

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6. Or stupid jokes that make no real sense.

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7. Certainly don’t refer to your own penis!

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8. Seriously. Just don’t.

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9. Oh, so you’re disrespecting a classic album now at the same time. Well done.

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10. Reminding the world of the fact you masturbate will have no beneficial consequences whatsoever.

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11. Trust us.

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12. It’s always a good idea to check the back of a T-shirt before you buy it.

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13. If you’re rude, people will be able to tell without the help of your tee.

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14. Same goes if you have a terminally pessimist outlook on life.

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15. Or if you’re just hostile in general.

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16. Or if you have a problem with flatulence.

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17. Avoid cheap knockoffs — they tend to be pretty obvious.

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18. Or anything homemade by your jealous partner.

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19. And beware the perils of creasing.

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20. Tucking in.

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21. And accessorising in general.

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22. If you are going to go for a funny/ironic T-shirt, be careful it doesn’t make you look stupid later on.

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23. Y’know, when your kid starts asking questions.

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24. Or your grandmother.

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25. Or the authorities.

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26. Yup.

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27. Oh dear.

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28. Just try to find a T-shirt that compliments you.

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29. Because it’s a good fit. Good luck!

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