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27 Things Every Great Pub Should Have

We’re calling it the BuzzFeed Arms. And this is what we expect.

1. The bar has to be well stocked.

2. With a good selection of ales.

3. (Not that you’ll be looked down on for ordering a lager.)

4. And more than one cider…

…you know which one.

5. It’ll sell proper snacks. Like this.

None of your hand-cooked, Himalayan rock salt–flavoured, £2.69 a packet nonsense in our dream pub, thank you.

8. There should be one of these somewhere.

9. And a pub dog. Like this guy.

11. Not this guy. He looks a little too hardcore.

12. An old-fashioned jukebox.

Full of neither unimaginative chart nonsense nor self-consciously hip B-side indie rubbish. Just plenty of soul.

13. A toilet that is the exact opposite of this one.

14. A pool table.

…that you can get around and take a clean shot at from any angle! Imagine!

15. A good beer garden.

Something simple will do.

16. (With plenty of these, obviously.)

17. Graffiti should be tolerated (when it’s witty).

18. A proper Ploughmans should be on offer.

19. And there should be space for the old boys.

A pub should be a welcome place for old-timers to mingle with youngsters and impart their wisdom. And let loose a bit, if they want.

20. Tell you who is not welcome, though: any stags dressed as a penis.

21. Any hen parties (or inflatable dolls).

22. Or anyone who just can’t handle their booze, basically.

23. No, just unpretentious drinks.

24. And above all, a sense of humour.

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