28 Signs You Were Raised By Persian Parents In America

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1. While other parents were decorating their baby rooms when their kids were born, your parents were pickling things to give you on your wedding day.

2. Your friends would bring things like Lunchables to school.

While you’d bring in some ground beef and rice.

3. When it was time to get a car, you were pissed when your parents got you just a regular 3 series.

When your best friend got an M3.

4. Your parents told you you had to be a doctor.

Or a lawyer.

Even though you keep telling them you plan on being the next Maz Jobrani.

5. From the moment you were born, they’ve wanted you to get married.

6. They wanted you to somehow have kids without ever having sex.

7. This is what your uncle’s arm looks like.

8. Your dad has sprayed almost a full bottle of the same cologne on himself every day since as far back as you can remember.

9. Sometime between age 40 to 60, every woman you know somehow becomes a blonde.

10. Your parents think everyone is also Persian.

Theo Wargo / Getty Images

“His real last name is Charlie Shaheen, he changed it for Hollywood.”

11. And when an actor/actress actually is Persian, they become obsessed with them.

12. There are so many Persian rugs in your house, your parents have to literally stack them on top of each other.

13. You had to explain what this was when your friends would come over.

14. Your idea of a refreshing drink is carbonated yogurt.

15. You drink chai at every transition in the day.

16. Rose water EVERYTHING.

17. You were surprised to learn that there were flavors of ice cream other than pistachio.

18. The first time you went to a baseball game and someone came by with this yelling, “cotton candy,” you were confused.

Because this is what you thought cotton candy looked like.

19. Your mom’s solution to every pain you have is to put eggs on it.

20. You had trouble explaining Farsi phrases to other people.

“What do you mean by dirt on my head?”

21. This is how you greet people.

22. When your family was invited to a party, you’d tell the host that you don’t want anything until he begged you to take something and you finally agreed to have just a few.

And they’d fill up your plate anyway.

23. You also end up spending most of the party bobbing your head like this because you have no idea what any of the older people are saying to you.

24. It took your family two hours to leave a party because you had to say good-bye to everyone three times.

25. After a party, your parents fight with the hosts to help do the dishes.

26. Going out with your parents and their friends is a pain because after dinner they argue over paying the bill — except deep down they don’t really want to pay it.

27. Once a year your parents took you to a parking lot to jump over fires.

28. And no matter how hard you try to teach your mom, she can’t say it any other way other than Ehstarbucks.

Stefan Wermuth / Reuters

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