28 Signs You Were Raised By Persian Parents In America
Dasteh shomah dard nakoneh for reading this.
1. While other parents were decorating their baby rooms when their kids were born, your parents were pickling things to give you on your wedding day.
2. Your friends would bring things like Lunchables to school.
3. When it was time to get a car, you were pissed when your parents got you just a regular 3 series.
4. Your parents told you you had to be a doctor.
Or a lawyer.
Or both.
Even though you keep telling them you plan on being the next Maz Jobrani.
5. From the moment you were born, they’ve wanted you to get married.
6. They wanted you to somehow have kids without ever having sex.
8. Your dad has sprayed almost a full bottle of the same cologne on himself every day since as far back as you can remember.
9. Sometime between age 40 to 60, every woman you know somehow becomes a blonde.
10. Your parents think everyone is also Persian.
“His real last name is Charlie Shaheen, he changed it for Hollywood.”
11. And when an actor/actress actually is Persian, they become obsessed with them.
12. There are so many Persian rugs in your house, your parents have to literally stack them on top of each other.
13. You had to explain what this was when your friends would come over.
15. You drink chai at every transition in the day.
17. You were surprised to learn that there were flavors of ice cream other than pistachio.
18. The first time you went to a baseball game and someone came by with this yelling, “cotton candy,” you were confused.
Because this is what you thought cotton candy looked like.
19. Your mom’s solution to every pain you have is to put eggs on it.
20. You had trouble explaining Farsi phrases to other people.
“What do you mean by dirt on my head?”
21. This is how you greet people.
22. When your family was invited to a party, you’d tell the host that you don’t want anything until he begged you to take something and you finally agreed to have just a few.
And they’d fill up your plate anyway.
23. You also end up spending most of the party bobbing your head like this because you have no idea what any of the older people are saying to you.
24. It took your family two hours to leave a party because you had to say good-bye to everyone three times.
25. After a party, your parents fight with the hosts to help do the dishes.
26. Going out with your parents and their friends is a pain because after dinner they argue over paying the bill — except deep down they don’t really want to pay it.
27. Once a year your parents took you to a parking lot to jump over fires.
28. And no matter how hard you try to teach your mom, she can’t say it any other way other than Ehstarbucks.
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melanieb16 a month agoThis was so funny and true. This article put me in the mood for Persian food and Ayran (Dogh). The pashmak (cotton candy) in this picture looks disgusting. They should have shown the actual box. That being said, though I’m ancestrally Turkistani, most of it was spot on.
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azadehjadef a month agoThe main one that is missing is … .. what is this you are wearing …go upstairs and get changed…I say that to my son all
the time. :) -
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Saffs 2 months agoAlthough I know they’re very different places, two of the best things about my time in Iraq was the Chai and the food. We worked very closely with the Iraqi Army, and they would offer us Chai pretty often. It was always delicious, but at 3 A.M. after being up all day (at the least) it was unbeatable. Tasted great, warmed us up, and kept us awake. They also offered us food alot of the time, typically chicken and some sides. Some of the best chicken I’ve ever ate, and the side’s were great too. Falafal’s were great too.
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Youngurbanfailure 2 months agoIs there a reason one would refer to themselves as being Persian rather than Iranian? If your family left the area before 1935?
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FlickMontana a month ago
Because in America, we hate “rugheads” and don’t know the difference between middle eastern cultures. Also, we don’t know that Iran = Persia so Iranians can sound exotic and not get attacked by Bubba down the road for being “one o dem terr-ists.” Honestly, if it were me, I’d do the same.
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MessinaAdama 2 months ago
That beef and rice looks so yummy. Arabs marinate the shit out of their beef..so so tasty…
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anony mous 2 months ago
my response to every point… half of these were ignorant and half were relatively correct. but overall, pretty offensive. 1. false
2. SO true, my mom said those things were of horrible quality. i would def get persian leftovers but not ALL the time
3. i dunno what kind of BMW my mom has but she has one and thats persian enough
4. so wrong, no one in my family is medically or mathematically gifted…and maz has just a regular sense of humor, he just tapped into the persian market sooner than i did
5. complete opposite, my daddy has always told me to take my time
6. yea my mom was mortified when she found my hookup list lol (yea u made it HOORAH)
7. ew my uncle has no white arm hair and has a less obnoxious rolex lol
8. my dad hates cologne and is allergic to it (he gets headaches from it, as do i)
9. eh a lot of them but they mostly dye it brown just cause its more realistic
10. nah, im not nouveau riche stupid ignorant iranian
11. nope im a bit ashamed cause theyre usually horrible actors
12. we dont stack them, we lay them out neatly and elegantly in the appropriate areas (they hide them in me and taras rooms cause its quite tacky to put them all over the house…talk about westernized parents)
13. ew i dont have a fucking bidet
14. that is called doogh and i do not drink it (although it is apparently quite refreshing)
15. no im more of a coffee gal although it does taste quite nice. but no im no iranian pilgrim who drinks tea 945349534 times a day
16. ew rose water? really? can you get more desperate than that? i wouldnt even bathe my child in that bottled shit
17. LITERALLY SO DELICIOUS persian ice cream is the titties
18. ummm do you think im ignorant enough to think cotton candy and gauze tape resemble eachother? fuck off
19. im not in my big fat greek wedding thinking to put windex on everything…fucking RUDE
20. i actually laughed when i realized what ‘dirt on my head was referring to’…means ‘khak bar saret’ which basically means fuck you in a more organic way
21. yea we like to smooch
22. eh sort of, but we dont eat almonds we eat slimy delicious sugary treats
23. only men and women above the age of 45 do that because their botox doesnt allow them to create any facial expressions, so they nod. or if theyre above the age of 75 theyre definitely too old, deaf, and apathetic to understand what youre saying
24. literally so true…my dad is the only exception he escapes as soon as he can. too many iranian MILFS hover around him
25. nah my parents are like PEACE NIGGGAAAAA, but their friends help them at their dinner parties lol
26. my aunt pretends to go to the bathroom and secretly pays the bill cause otherwise it turns into a disgusting verbal argument, cannot even begin to explain…
27. I NEVER WENT TO A PARKING LOT we always go to proper beautiful backyards to jump over fire to celebrate the new year! weird i know but whatever nigga we get drunk and jump over fire, can you say anyone else does that? DIDNT THINK SO
28. my mom isnt retarded. only stupid uneducated women (which makes up 75% of the iranian female population) say it like that because they live in LA and are too stupid to get it right
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