"I'm just nervous I won't live up to my parents' expectations. I'm the first in my family to go to obedience school."
"Is my look too, like, over-played?"
"People are waiting so long to get married these days that I'm starting to think it just won't happen for me."
"Am I getting too old to enjoy things ironically? Have I reached the age of a forced sincerity?"
"Some days I just want to stay home all day and not be judged for it."
"I think this wig makes me look stylish, but I keep getting weird looks down the street. Whatever. I choose to believe I can pull off this look."
"Sometimes it feels like Netflix is the only one who truly gets me."
"Will it actually last forever on my hips???"
"Thanks for the unconditional love. Right back atcha."
