Meet Meowseph Stalin, the cutest dictator ever. He's here to share with you his very simple and straightforward Five-Year Plan toward global, and internet, domination.
YEAR ONE: Collectivization of Catriculture
"We must start by becoming one with the land. That way, the land knows who's boss. And the boss is me, so that step should be easy. Love the land."
"Then we must let the humans know that they will still have responsibilities during, and after, our revolution. Important ones like cooking. They like to feel needed."
"People will admire me because of how approachable I come across as, and I'm prepared for that attention. It'll help convince them to continue bestowing treats and gifts upon me (AKA 'catriculture')."
YEAR TWO: Spying On Other Puppet Governments
"While it looks like I'm calm on the outside, I'm constantly in a state of vigilance."
"You never know when your enemies, or even those other pesky proletaricats, will try to sneak up and get you!"
"Always, always, keep your friends close and your enemies closer. Share meals with them. Play with them. Chill in a box with them. Let them think they're in control."
YEAR THREE: The Purrrrrrges
"Now, I anticipate feeling the strain of my rule by this time, so first and foremost, I will be focusing on my rest..."
"...overall cleanliness..."
"...and fitness."
YEAR FOUR: Invasion of St. Peterspurr And Beyond
"TAKE WHAT BELONGS TO YOU, LIKE THAT CAN OF TUNA."
"SCREAM AT YOUR FOES WITH A MIGHTY FURY UNTIL THEY GIVE INTO YOUR DEMANDS."
YEAR FIVE: Reflection On The Revolution
"By this time, I will have successfully taken over everything I intended. I will retire and maybe give a speech to college students about following dreams."
"And then a snooze in my new paradise."
