wtf

So There’s An Author On Amazon Who Writes Romance Novels About Women And Dinosaurs

They have surprisingly good reviews, too.

1. This is author “Christie Sims”:

2. According to Christie’s bio on Amazon, she’s a regular Midwestern girl who just happens to be into dinosaurs.


Hi! I’m just a plain old, everyday Midwestern girl that lives a normal life. However, while my outward tastes are relatively simple, my inner thoughts are filled with lusty thoughts of big, strong, powerful monsters having their way with beautiful maidens.

Almost all of my stories fall under the Monster Sex genre, and come from the inner desires that spring from my mind.

3. All kinds of dinosaurs too. She writes about pterodactyls.

4. Synopsis:


Dianne is a shepherd, watching over flock of sheep. She is sworn to protect them against any predators– no matter the size. But when a flock of pterodactyls attack, Dianne has no choice but to use herself as bait to draw their attention away from her precious flock. One pterodactyl swoops in and picks her up, taking her to his nest. She fully expects to be eaten by the massive beast, but when it starts to peck her clothes away, leaving her naked, she begins to understand that the pterodactyl might have another, more deviant use for the young virgin. But can Dianne accommodate such a massive creature?

5. And, of course, the Tyrannosaurus Rex.

6. Synopsis:


In a land before time, Layla hunts for her tribe. The men belittle and threaten her, a woman who hunts like a man, until, desperate, she sets out alone after the most fearsome beast in the world- a T-Rex.

As she hunts the giant predator, a very special T-Rex is hunting her- this T-Rex has psychic powers and a desire for human flesh. Naked and alone, Layla bargains with the beast: her body for her life.

Can Layla accept the beast’s carnal demands? Can her body accommodate its relentless desire? Can she hold to her part of the bargain? Or will she become the T-Rex’s next meal?

7. This one is about museum dinosaurs that come to life… with sexy results.

8. Synopsis:


The job market was tough, and it couldn’t have been tougher than it was on Kate. She’d been looking forever for a new job, but she couldn’t find one. As she was reading through the paper one day, she came across an ad for a museum looking for a night watchperson. She gets the job and finds herself as a night guard, working for a dinosaur natural history museum.

Things there are normal and quiet…until all of the dinosaurs come alive! Now Kate must try her best to elude the voracious creatures. Why did these creatures come alive? What did they want? Why do they seems so interested in certain parts of her body?

9. Sims has written a good amount of stories about raptors, which makes sense.

Ula is a beautiful cavewoman who is out foraging for her tribe with the rest of the tribeswomen. As she’s foraging, she senses she is being watched, and not just by any creature, by raptors- the most cunning predators in the jungle. She can sense them stalking her and her tribe. All Ula can do is retreat and hope not to be attacked. One night, while Ula’s tribe sleeps peacefully, the raptors attack and Ula retreats to the cave. She thinks she is safe until a raptor finds her and corners her in the cave. Ula knows she is done for, but instead of the tearing her to bits, the raptor begins to nuzzle at her nether regions. It doesn’t take long for Ula to discover what the raptor truly wants from her… but is she willing to give it to him?

11. None of these appear to be part of the same story though.

12. Synopsis:


Paola was the first born in her family, and by the laws of her country, would receive a free education at the university located in the capital. However, her family decides to send her eldest brother, one year her junior, in her stead. She’s outraged by her father’s decision, but has little choice in the matter.

The beautiful, buxom girl must now tend the farm like the rest of her family, feeding the animals, tending the crops, and protecting their land from hungry predators, like foxes, wolves, and the occasional dinosaur.

Life is absolutely bland until Paola comes face to face with a velociraptor! She thinks the beast will leap at her and tear her flesh with its powerful claws. However, the creature has more carnal desires that it wishes to fulfill.

13. Which is weird, I guess.

14. Synopsis:


Marga was the Protectress, the city’s leader, charged with defending it against dinosaur attacks. It is her sworn duty to protect her city at all costs, even when a pack of velociraptors attack her and her men at a small, undermanned outpost outside of the city.

The battle is a vicious one, and after a daring maneuver to save a fellow soldier, she finds herself trapped by the pack leader, a powerful male. The creature captures the Protectress and takes her to his cave. Will this raptor make the Protectress his next meal? Or does the beast have different plans for the beautiful warrioress?

15. Most of the books are about cavewomen who end up having brief, yet passionate, love affairs with dinosaurs.

16. Synopsis:


Carla and her boyfriend decide to go camping out in the wilderness to bird watch. Carla gets more “bird-watching” than she bargains for when she gets lost during a hike and encounters the prehistoric and 7-foot-tall dinosaur called balaur. The balaur has a one-track mind when it finds Carla and Carla has no choice but to comply as it wraps its tail around her and has its way with her. At first Carla hates being violated by the ancient beast, but after a while she begins to enjoy it—and perhaps crave even more of it.

17. Either that woman is gigantic or that triceratops is very small. I guess you’ll have to read the book to find out!

18. Synopsis:


Beliria’s pride has gotten her into trouble again.

Before she can complete her rites of womanhood and take her place in the tribe, she must provide a kill for her tribe. Beliria chooses to hunt the most dangerous herbivore on the plains, the Tri-Horn. No single hunter has ever successfully taken a Triceratops, but Beliria is determined to be the first. Naked, with no food, water, or provisions beyond her weapons, Beliria sets out. Tracking the Tri-Horn, she lays a cunning ambush, but it isn’t cunning enough.

Her attack caused the big bull Triceratops to lose his mate. Now he intends to replace her- with Beliria!

19. Are people into these books? Well, they have pretty decent reviews.

(h/t @efleischer)

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