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1. When you tell people you have a dacha, they think you have a posh house in the country
2. Your English other half retches and makes faces when you eat pickled herring.
3. You constantly get asked why you don't smile.
4. No-one can understand the concept of silent letters in the Russian alphabet.
5. No-one can understand why there are 33 letters in the Russian alphabet either.
6. You never know if you should put a 'the' in front of a noun so you put it in front of every noun just in case.
7. People keep asking you "Do you think in Russian or in English?"
8. And "Where do you like living more, in Russia or in England?"
9. Everyone thinks you love Putin.
10. Everyone is a little bit scared of you because they think Russians are crazy.
11. But in fact you often feel ashamed of your rude and obnoxious countrymen.
12. No-one else seems to realise that hair of the dog is the ONLY good way to cure a hangover, which makes you look like an alcoholic when you suggest it.
13. If there are no Polish shops near you, you have to buy sunflower seeds in pet shops!
14. If you want to go visit the Motherland, you have to pay ridiculous money to British Airways or Aeroflot.
15. Everyone thinks you must be desperate to talk to other Russians so, you're always getting introduced to people you have nothing in common with.
16. People look at you like you're in the Mafia after you tell stories involving bribing policemen and government officials...
17. And generally dismiss Russia as a country of crime and corruption.
Which is annoying because despite all its problems, Russia is still an amazing country.
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