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    Nicknames And Why I Gave You One

    If only this weren't based on real life.

    It's inevitable. The older I get, the more people I am bound to meet (shocked yet?!). I assumed that staying in my fifth-floor walk up watching basic cable television for the fifth day in a row meant the opposite, but no! I have to get off my butt eventually and endure the stairs down to grab that other carton of Ben & Jerry's I convinced myself not to buy three hours ago.

    But it was inevitable, wasn't it? That I was going to meet You at some point, that is. Both walking down the Whole Foods aisle, You walk with your fancy eggplant and sauce, me with my ice cream and mozzerella ball. We'll both be heading toward the orange juice display- my, is it magnificent! Seven rows of fruit cocktail at our bidding.

    Of course, I decide that five dollars for some Tropicana seems a bit steep, but do You? I see Your beautiful brown eyes puruse the calicum fortified, the pulp intensified, and the regular with intrigue. Do You know what You're going to pick?! Ah, it's killing me! What kind of orange juice drinker am I dealing with?!

    You look at me. You ask me a question. I stare at Your eyes. They're brown right, or is it this horrible lighting? Would You be as pretty with grey eyes?

    "Do you mind if I grab this?", You say, reaching over me. Look at that arm, oh la la, j'adore! I step back, baffled that I hear what Your voice sounds like. So deep, so tres magnifique.

    And then it's over, You take your beautiful arm and orange juice. I'm so sad that I don't even remember which kind You chose. You walk away... and I follow. Not in a stalkerish way, of course! Please don't think that!

    You head towards coffee and tea. Dear God, is this the man of my dreams? Did you create someone who loves orange juice AND coffee just for me?!

    I'm convinced You're The One.

    But, You.... You passed coffee and tea. Where are you going? The One loves coffee, I just prayed to God about it!

    And then, the dealbreaker. The tofu. Are you some kind of devil? Sorry for the reference, but who do You think You are?! You had such nice arms/eyes/decision making skills!

    I dispersed. I left You, there in the gross aisle of veganism. You make me want to vomit. Is it even veganism? You probably know, don't You. Yuck.

    OJ. That's who you are now. OJ, OJ, OJ. All you need is a White Bronco and you'd be my knight in shining, uh, whatever. You just picked up tofu. Done.

    But when I see you again OJ, I'll still smile at your brown/grey/a;sdlkfjwe eyes. And I'll still stare at your arm.

    But I won't follow you.