23 Places Where You Definitely Should Not Set Off Fireworks

The Fourth of July is upon us, which for many people means that it’s once again time for amateur fireworks displays. But please take a minute to consider some friendly advice about where NOT to show everyone how much you love America.

1. 1. Right Outside The White House

The Secret Service would not be amused.

ID: 406126

2. 2. On A Hot Air Balloon

Pro tip: You can launch fireworks into the air from the ground. You do not have to be up in the air to begin with.

ID: 406621

3. 3. Under A Thatched Roof

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4. 4. At A Golf Tournament

Fireworks are supposed to be fun, whereas golf is not.

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5. 5. At The Movies

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6. 6. Near Your Cat

Cats have enough to worry about as it is.

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7. 7. Anywhere Near A Cloned T-Rex

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8. 8. At Your Local Public Library

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9. 9. The Sistine Chapel

They’d like to keep all those fingers, thankyouverymuch.

ID: 409219

10. 10. Inside A Pumpkin

You’ll piss off the old guy.

ID: 407595

11. 11. Within Accidental Burning Distance Of The Constitution

We know you’re fired up about the Constitution. But you will be in deep bald eagle shit if you set it on fire.

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12. 12. Next To The World’s Largest House Of Cards

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13. 13. At A Funeral

Don’t be that guy.

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14. 14. In Your Hand

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15. 15. On Top Of An iPhone

ID: 409980

16. 16. Near A Wooden iPhone Holder Shaped Like A Hand

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17. 17. In States Where All Consumer Fireworks Are Illegal, Like Massachusetts…

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18. 18. New Jersey…

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19. 19. And Delaware

Now you know something about Delaware!

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20. 20. In A Redwood Forest

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21. 21. At A Performance Of John Cage’s 4’33”

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22. 22. Inside A Fireworks Factory

Exploding fireworks factories are not even remotely cool in real life.

ID: 406135

23. 23. North Korea

Kim Jong Un would not share your enthusiasm.

ID: 409332


ID: 410089

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