Remind your daughter that she's valuable and yada yada.
1. Never put a banana in your purse. You will forget it and everything will smell like bananas.
2. Don't order the Tuna Delight from Subway. It's not tuna, and it's not a delight.
3. Maybe you like boys, but maybe you like girls. It's ok to question your sexuality. Everybody does it. Do I want to kiss my friend Becky or do I just want my ponytail to look as perky as hers? These are ok questions to ponder.
4. You don't have to shave your legs and underarms all the time. That's why God invented winter, leggings, and feminism.
5. Never shave your eyebrows.
6. Pay attention in your foreign language class. It may be boring, but later on in life it's useful when you want to eavesdrop on other peoples conversations.
7. Figure out "they're", "their", and "there" and use them correctly. It's not that fucking complicated. You can ask me, I guess.
8. It's creepy to stare at people. Wear sunglasses and they won't notice.
9. Pee in the pool.
10. If you force me to take you to the bathroom because you don't want to pee in the pool, don't take your bathing suit off. Just pull it to the side at the crotch. Any pee that gets on you is cleaned off in the pool. Which is exactly why I told you to just pee in the pool, but you never listen do you.
11. Tanning is bad. But if you're gonna do it, at least protect your face with an SPF. That's the money-maker. You can always hide your wrinkly body with long sleeves and strategically placed scarves.
11. Don't have sex.
12. If you have sex, make sure you enjoy it just as much as your partner. Explore your body, figure out what you like, and if you ever discover where your g-spot is, let your ole' mom know. I gave you your vagina, I'm sure our anatomy is similar and I've been on a wild goose chase for years.
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