Brian Ries

Brian Ries
 
here i am. tweet me like a hurricane.
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  • And What Kind of Sauce Would You Like?

    Ah great, McDonald’s is hiring away all the rapping robots. This guy’s at the McDonald’s near UCSD in La Jolla, CA, per a YouTube commenter.

  • 7 Cats in Halloween Costumes

    Just a buncha cats wearing costumes. It doesn’t get much better than this, humans!

    • 1. Hello, Nurse!

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  • Found It In A Bar

    What would Nick Denton pay for these things I found in a bar? Directions to Sesame Street, the Lost Finale, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad’s Playgirl stash, etc. $5k sounds like a good price!

    Brian Ries 3 years ago 4 responses

  • 4 Awesome Chatroulette Bingo Cards

    ChatrouletteBingo.net automatically generates a handful of randomized Chatroulette Bingo cards for you and your friends! Later, workday.

    • 1. Card 1

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  • Obama Incense

    It smells like hope in one Brooklyn bodega. There they are, sandwiched as usual between “Egyptian Musk” and “White Diamond.” Obama Incense sticks, FTW.

    Obama Incense

  • 10 Ways to Win an Oscar

    The ten sure-fire ways to win an Oscar. Some additions: World War 2, chest shot (male or female), boring sporting moment, silly clothes, and orphans.

    10 Ways to Win an Oscar

    Link: thedailybeast.com

  • Congresswoman’s Abandoned Car

    After being defeated for reelection in 2006, Rep. Melissa Hart (R-PA) just up and left her old Volkswagen Jetta in a parking garage used by members of Congress. Meaning, our congresspeople write things like, “I wish my wife was this dirty,” or, “F-ing wash me!” on dirty car windows. You people are a bunch of goddamn third graders!

    Congresswoman's Abandoned Car

  • The Great Python Hunt

    10-foot pythons are breeding, killing people, & roaming the Florida Everglades b/c dumb pet owners set them free years ago. Now, the Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission has declared it Python Season (on March 6th) where anyone w/ a hunting license can go shoot the bastards down!

    Brian Ries 3 years ago 6 responses

  • Sex Offender Criminal Name Week

    So it’s Doppelganger Week on Facebook. It also looks like “Go to urbandictionary.com and find your name and post it” week. But we can do better. I hereby name this Sex Offender Criminal Name Week! Go to CriminalCheck.com, type your FIRST name where it says “Last Name(required),” and copy and paste the crime or charge of the FIRST entry for your name in the comments!

  • Scott Lee Cohen

    Are you guys ready to meet your new favorite Democratic nominee for lieutenant governor in Illinois?! Scott Lee Cohen, a pawnbroker, was arrested in 2005 for (allegedly!) sticking a knife to the neck of his 24-year old drunk prostitute girlfriend and bopping her head against the wall. Cohen played the whole prostitute thing blind, saying he thought she was a “massage therapist,” which is pretty much the go-to excuse for prostitutes. This is fun because just last Tuesday he won the nomination in a surprise victory soooo, Gov. Quinn’s all like, “Great.”

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