1.
BOSS: You ok? ME: Yeah, why? BOSS: You have a sign that says “2 Days Without Being Annoyed” [maintaining eye contact, I change it to 0]
2.
*drives motorized scooter into meeting I'm late for, around the conference table, and out the door*
3.
How to be a grown up at work: Replace "Fuck you" with "Ok, great"
4.
5.
my boss: [whispering into my coffin] "you haven't submitted your timesheet"
6.
[arrives an hour late for meeting, stands outside glass door & messes my hair up a bit] Sorry, I'm late. I fucken hate it here.
7.
FRIEND: Dress for the job you want ME: Ok [later, at work] BOSS: Why are you wearing cat ears
8.
9.
I like to lightheartedly tell my coworkers, "Don't even talk to me until I've had my coffee!" And then I never get coffee.
10.
Shout out to my coworkers for having a conversation about salsa dancing that reminded me I didn't have my earbuds in.
11.
When you have to turn off Beyonce's 2014 halftime show cuz the boss tells you to get back to work GOD CAN I LIVE????
12.
[Doctors appointment] Me: It hurts when I go like this. *gets up and leaves and goes to work*
13.
I hate my job. The work sucks. The people suck. The pay sucks. *looks up and sees motivational poster on wall* Well this changes everything
14.
[break room] coworker: what's for lunch? me: [eating] food, generally cw: no, I mean what are you having? me: an unwanted conversation
15.
I hate corporate lingo. Stuff like "core competency" or "design out the problem" or "I'm gonna need you to go ahead and do some work today"
16.
Boss: mike Boss: Mike Boss: Mike Ginn Me: whaaa sorry was just... doing an email
17.
10:00 am: sitting alone at work 10:05 am: my pudding cup is my new best friend 10:06 am: ate my best friend 10:07 am: sitting at work alone
18.
90% of my job is squinting at my monitor when somebody walks by so it looks like I'm concentrating on some work.
19.
“I want to hate my life in a different building” - person looking for a new job