1.
WOMAN: guys suck GUY: ugh I know right? guys are the worst. except me haha. i am good and nice. can you send me pics of ur feet?
2.
{first date} Him: You look tense Me: I'm so nervous Him: Aw. Just be you Me: IVE BEEN HOLDING IN A FART THAT MIGHT LAUNCH ME TO CANADA
3.
I just want someone who looks at me the way my brother looks at ketchup
4.
Dating Tip: Treat your date to something non-traditional. Go to the park and yell at some birds, maybe dig a cool hole
5.
"I just want a guy that makes me laugh" *makes her laugh* "Not you."
6.
Impress your date by calling the waiter a “fucking coward” when he warns you that your plate is extremely hot.
7.
8.
(my date twirling her hair) "Can I use your bathroom quick?" Absolutely, gorgeous. *hears the longest fart ever as she closes the door*
9.
Her: you ok? Me: just nervous, I don't date much Her: you're doing fine [I go to take a drink, but It's the candle & I set my face on fire]
10.
Someday you'll meet someone amazing who just gets you. And they won't want to date you either
11.
[Frantically plunging the toilet at a girl's house] "You ok in there?" Fine "Are you sure? What's that noise?" *climbing out the window* IDK
12.
When u over his crib and he put on Netflix and ask why u sitting so far away from him
13.
Dick pics are the human equivalent of a cat giving you a dead bird as a "gift"
14.
Men complimenting women 1950 - "my dear you look so beautiful today" 2015 - "damn girl you look hot af" [3 heart eye and 5 fire emojis]
15.
date:..and so after mom died my brother and i raised ourselves m: do you ever pretend youre an agent of shield i do
16.
[me as a DJ] Where my single ladies at? *drunk responses* This one's for you *turns off music, serious tone* This is a bad place to meet men
17.
18.
your dating profile: i LOVE adventures me: sounds like i'd have to do stuff. next-->
19.
Dating is collecting information about someone until you realize you don't like them
20.
you say potato, I say where is this relationship going
21.
[introducing myself to new boyfriends parents] "Hi, I usually don't make it this far"