29 Important And Undeniable Facts You Learn In College

Surprise: None of them are on the syllabus.

1. If you drink $4 wine for long enough, you eventually become immune to how shitty it tastes.

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2. It’s magical and beautiful to live in a world where sweatpants are permissible in public. Cherish it.

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3. All the smartest kids know that a 20-page paper is actually just a 17-page paper with wider margins.

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4. Knowing how to have sex quietly enough that your floormates don’t hear is an essential life skill.

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5. All you need to have for an active social life is good speakers and a stash of Solo cups.

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6. You will be smarter if you read every assigned book, but saner if you occasionally embrace Sparknotes.

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7. There’s no such thing as “FREE PIZZA!” You will be strong-armed into making friends, donations, or small talk.

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But there is such a thing as free T-shirts. And they’re everywhere. You never have to buy clothes again.

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8. Once you’re at college, feeling stuck up about getting in or discussing your SAT score = not allowed.

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9. The requisite nine hours of nightly sleep can, once a week, be replaced by two hours + two Red Bulls.

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And if an assignment is supposed to take two weeks, you will probably be capable of doing it in two hours.

If you dare, apply this ratio to everything.

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10. It is never a good idea to hook up with anyone who can get you in trouble. Sorry, hot RA and TA.

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Or anyone you have to see every day. Floorcest is only a good idea in theory.

Disney / Via hercampus.com
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11. If you are a good person, you are a good roommate. The end.

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12. If you ever pay full price for a textbook, you don’t deserve to graduate because you have learned nothing.

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And your meal plan isn’t saving you $$$. You’re just paying a lot to eat pizza and Nutella for every meal.

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13. Listservs are like glitter and herpes and Hotel California. Once you’re in, it’s forever.

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14. It will never be easier to make drastic style choices than it is now. Get your experiments out.

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15. The number of think pieces you will read about college hook-up culture…

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…will be higher than the number of actual college hook-ups you experience.

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16. Your professors are geniuses whom you are lucky to know. If you ask them your toughest questions, they will change your life.

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17. If all of your friends look, sound, or think the same way, you need to make more friends.

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18. You aren’t required to forgive anyone who interrupts you during nap time.

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Because life is crazy and rest is important.

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19. Professors have a weird mental connection that makes them ALL assign major work at the exact same time.

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You cannot change this fact, only prepare for it.

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20. You will change your major several times, and still graduate not knowing if you chose the right one.

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21. No matter how cool you think you are freshman year, you will realize in four years that you were actually a dumbass.

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22. By sending or accepting Facebook friend requests before meeting someone in real life, you eliminate the possibility of ever being friends with them.

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23. Nobody likes the kid whose favorite game is “Let’s compete over who’s busier and gets less sleep.”

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Don’t be that kid.

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24. Being surrounded by improv shows, a cappella concerts, theater performances, etc. is a luxury.

And you’d be a fool not to take advantage of it.

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25. Friends and extracurriculars teach more than classes. The sooner everyone realizes this, the better.

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26. If the only reason you’re doing something is so you can put it on your résumé, you will probably suck at it.

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27. At least once per semester, everyone thinks, THESE are supposed to be the best years of my life? Well, fuck.

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28. And you’re right: There’s literally nothing worse than applications and job hunts.

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But the future has a way of working out.

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29. Four years may sound like a long time, but nothing you ever do will go by quicker than college…

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Good thing you made enough memories to walk out with more than just a piece of paper.

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