This "Royals" parody, re-imagined for thirtysomethings, was created by LA-based aspiring comedienne Molly Dworsky.
View this video on YouTube
Here are the lyrics in full:
If this is life, I'm unimpressed
Adulthood's nothing like the tales in the movies
I've got stretch marks and saggy breasts
Seven extra pounds, and I'm full of envy
Cuz every song's, like, written by a kid I probably used to babysit
Killing it by puberty while I can barely stay fit
So unfair that Lorde's a millionaire at seventeen
And everybody's got kids, a mortgage, real responsibility
Neck pain, diets, "hot chicks" were born after me
So unfair, I have to pay for my own health care
And we used to be Royals
How was that 10 years ago?
Seems like yesterday 2004
I wish I had another go
If I could be a high schooler
I could be the prom queen
And baby I'd rule (I'd rule) high school
Let me live that fantasy
My friends and I can tell we're old
We count our dollars in our IRA while you party
And once we're in our comfy clothes
We watch YouTube clips
Eat chips and feel self-pity
Cuz every song's, like, written by a kid I probably used to babysit
Killing it by puberty while I can barely stay fit
So unfair that Lorde's a millionaire at seventeen
And everybody's got kids, a mortgage, real responsibility
Neck pain, diets, "hot chicks" were born after me
So unfair, being carded is getting rare
And we used to be Royals
How was that 10 years ago?
Seems like yesterday 2004
I wish had another go
If I could be a high schooler
I could be the prom queen
And baby I'd rule (I'd rule) high school
Let me live that fantasy
Woah,
So old
Woah
We're not where we thought we'd be
I miss the days of JTT
Growing old is so unfair
I just found a gray pubic hair.
