1. Salads.
2. Naps.
3. Your siblings.
The same idiots that you argued with day in and day out actually turned out to be decent human beings. Weird.
Seriously, what wouldn't you give for a nap right now?
The same idiots that you argued with day in and day out actually turned out to be decent human beings. Weird.
You actually developed an interest in staying informed and shit. Who would've thunk?
Turns out broccoli is kinda delicious. CHILDHOOD'S BEST KEPT SECRET.
Remember when having someone brandish scissors at your head was your worst nightmare? Now split-ends are.
UGH INFORMATION? THE WORST. Jk please tell me more about global warming and sushi chefs.
I know, I know. You stuck your finger in dad's beer to see what it tasted like and you regretted it immediately. First impressions are the worst impressions.
Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet? SHUT UP. You get to chill by a window, watching the world go by, with no responsibilities whatsoever. Put on some Simon & Garfunkel, kid. Revel in the peacefulness.
At some point "ewwwww boys" turned into "wow, both sexes come with an equal number of merits and demerits and I suppose I should treat them as equals!"
Did they get less embarrassing, or did you get less cool?
BRING ON THE FLAMIN' HOT CHEETOS.
Being grounded = being forced to lie in bed and watch Netflix without pants on. Please ground me indefinitely.
Mom and dad pay for everything while your sole responsibility is to relax. WHY DID YOU EVER COMPLAIN ABOUT THIS. WHY.
"Mmmmmmmm cornflakes," said no child ever.
Toys? Coloring books? What the heck am I supposed to do with those? GIVE ME A GOD DAMN SWIFFER. GIVE ME SOME HAND SOAP REFILLS.
"Gross" used to refer to the experience of washing your face. Now, "gross" is forehead grease and acne. Face-washing FTW!
Seriously, how early is too early?
Um, if by "too bitter!" you mean "TOO DELICIOUS," then yes, children, it's too bitter.
What's not to love?
"How was school?"
"Fine."
"What did you do?"
"Nothing."
"Why don't you wanna talk about your day?"
"Because I'm an idiot child that doesn't know what's good for me."
Put some stencils in my backpack and ship me off, homie.
Okay, kids. Shopping with your parents = FREE. THINGS. You don't say no to FREE THINGS.
Remember when more than a single coat made you basically immobile? Now that my center of gravity has figured itself out, give me all the scarves in the world!
No polite conversation, no pants, no rules. Why did we ever complain about this?
Put me in an armchair and watch me fall asleep, surrounded by my grown-upness.
You, like ten years ago: "I'm a god damn adult, I'm so old, etc. etc.!"
You now: "You wanna check my I.D.? Why, thank you, that's so sweet! Really, thanks!"