1. Your friends sometimes refer to you as your Instagram/Twitter handle. In real life.
2. You start planning your #throwbackthursdays over a week in advance, to prevent this from happening:
3. But you know that the social web comes with a code of conduct. And you respect it.
4. And you’ve been known to plan activities based on the Instagrams you’ll get out of them.
5. You’re guilty of secretly deleting posts because they didn’t get enough likes.
7. Because your mom/friends start to worry if you haven’t posted an update in a couple of hours.
8. So obviously you have to carry around a portable charger for your phone.
And you’re aware that you look like an idiot when you whip it out.
9. You have a hard time falling asleep because you’re in the habit of checking your phone once a minute…which gets in the way of actually closing your eyes.
10. And when you do call it a night, you fall asleep excited for the fresh crop of notifications you’ll wake up to.
11. The first thing you do when you meet someone interesting is comb through their social updates from the last five years.
Your worst fear is accidentally “liking” something from 2007.
12. And when you have a crush on someone, you have all their profiles memorized.
13. Although, in both cases, you don’t actually follow them until they’ve followed you first. Duh.
14. Because you have an ideal “followers” to “following” ratio and you stick to it.
15. Your heart rate spikes dangerously when you get a notification about your Klout score changing.
16. And you get phantom alerts all the time.
You think you saw your phone screen light up, but it didn’t. You thought you heard a Facebook notification, but nope.
17. Your friends constantly get mad at you for being on your phone too much while you’re hanging out.
18. In return, you get mad at them for not “liking”/commenting on your posts fast enough.
19. The first thing you do when you wake up after a night out is check your Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter to see what damage you did.
And delete all of it.
20. You find joy in the little things, like when your list of Instagram likers switches to a number.
Retweets are like hugs.