1. Anybody you decide to date (or just mention in passing) gets a serious background check.
3. You get in on high school slang when you’re still in middle school.
Therefore being the coolest kid in your grade.
4. And all the cool older kids know who you are.
5. His significant others are especially nice to you. Social clout! Presents!
6. You’re never bullied, because your bodyguard is always just a holler away.
7. You get brutally honest feedback on all your awkward phase experiments.
8. You’re initiated into the world of drinking by a trustworthy and seasoned veteran.
9. And if you ever get in trouble with your parents, you have a solid ally.
10. You know what music is “cool” before any of the rest of your friends do.
11. When you’re confused about boys, you have the best person to consult for advice: a boy.
12. Your girl friends are extra nice to you because they’re crushing on your big bro.
13. Your homework just seems to do itself sometimes.
14. You get really good at holding your own in amazingly stupid arguments.
15. And wrestling matches. And bar fights. And really any violent altercations whatsoever.
16. You get to tag along to shindigs that you really aren’t cool enough to be at.
17. You aren’t squeamish about toilet humor.
18. In fact, you’re trained in all sorts of gross (i.e. awesome) party tricks. Alphabet-burping, anyone?
20. You really, truly know the meaning of the phrase “love-hate relationship.”
21. But even though you’ll never tell your brother this, the “love” half will always beat out the “hate.”
22. And no matter how old you get, it’s good to know that someone considers it their full-time job to have your back.
Thanks for everything, brah.
- And President Obama actually made his daughters laugh at the annual White House turkey pardon. ›