21 Joys Of Being A Girl With An Older Brother

And by “brother,” I mean frenemy and bodyguard.

1. Anybody you decide to date (or just mention in passing) gets a serious background check.

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2. So the creeps steer clear of you.

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3. You get in on high school slang when you’re still in middle school.

Therefore being the coolest kid in your grade.

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4. And all the cool older kids know who you are.

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5. His significant others are especially nice to you. Social clout! Presents!

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6. You’re never bullied, because your bodyguard is always just a holler away.

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7. You get brutally honest feedback on all your awkward phase experiments.

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8. You’re initiated into the world of drinking by a trustworthy and seasoned veteran.

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9. And if you ever get in trouble with your parents, you have a solid ally.

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10. You know what music is “cool” before any of the rest of your friends do.

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11. When you’re confused about boys, you have the best person to consult for advice: a boy.

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12. Your girl friends are extra nice to you because they’re crushing on your big bro.

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13. Your homework just seems to do itself sometimes.

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14. You get really good at holding your own in amazingly stupid arguments.

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15. And wrestling matches. And bar fights. And really any violent altercations whatsoever.

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16. You get to tag along to shindigs that you really aren’t cool enough to be at.

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17. You aren’t squeamish about toilet humor.

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18. In fact, you’re trained in all sorts of gross (i.e. awesome) party tricks. Alphabet-burping, anyone?

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19. Your hand-me-downs are the best, hands down.

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20. You really, truly know the meaning of the phrase “love-hate relationship.”

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21. But even though you’ll never tell your brother this, the “love” half will always beat out the “hate.”

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22. And no matter how old you get, it’s good to know that someone considers it their full-time job to have your back.

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Thanks for everything, brah.

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