2.
The short and to the point.
3.
The one that welcomes you to the universe.
5.
The mathematically sound.
6.
The one with exactly six actual English words in it.
7.
The one that "promices" true friendship.
8.
The multilingual music expert who just wants a "chanse."
9.
The well-mannered one that says "please" a lot.
10.
The one that attempts to demonstrate appropriate usage of the Oxford comma.
13.
The one genuinely concerned about "wt hpnd u."
14.
The one who hasn't ever met you but still believes you smell like rain. Sweet.
15.
The "James" who thinks his name is "JOHN."
17.
The "Candy" who thinks his name is "Sandy," but that's the least of his problems...
18.
And finally, the vaguely remorseful.