1. Permanent control over the T.V. remote and/or the Netflix queue.
2. A permanent, foolproof cure to morning breath.
4. For it to always be their turn to do the dishes.
5. For your partner to turn a blind eye to aaaall the cool clothes you’ve stolen from their wardrobe.
6. A non-negotiable position as your relationship’s one and only Little Spoon.
8. For the two of you to hang out with your friends once a week, and with theirs once a year.
9. A “get out of hanging out with the family” card to use when you really need it.
10. For them to keep their apartment stocked with all of your personal hygiene supplies.
11. Breakfast in bed every Sunday morning. Black coffee and Advil on the side, please.
12. A “no questions asked” policy when it comes to bodily hair and all of its manipulation.
13. For your significant other to suddenly develop a desire to pay for… You know… Everything.
14. To hear these words every Friday night: “Wanna stay in and drink wine and watch your favorite movie??”
15. For them to concede that you are always right. Even when you are not. Sshhhh.
16. A daily, single passenger, one-way ticket to Pleasuretown, that you don’t need reimbursed.
17. For them to suddenly develop a proclivity for doing, folding, and putting away all of your laundry.
18. For them to memorize all your favorite teams’ game schedules, and never make any conflicting plans.
19. And, of course, to then watch all the games with you and genuinely enjoy each one.
20. For them to always be the one who has to get out of bed and turn off the light.
21. A steady stream of undeserved and not fully accurate compliments.
22. A judgment-free zone for all your politically incorrect thoughts.
23. An ongoing promise to always like your social media updates without your having to ask. Even the ones they don’t actually like.
- Illinois' attorney general has asked the U.S. Department of Justice's Civil Rights Division to investigate Chicago's police department. ›
- Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg says he'll give away 99% of his Facebook shares (worth $45 billion today) over the course of his life. ›
- And a Turkish court had to call in experts to determine whether a man comparing the country's president to Gollum from "Lord of the Rings" was an insult. ›