2. Line your shoes with red carpeting to lead a glamorous life.
3. Use your pop culture knowledge to seem like an expert on anything.
4. When life hands you lemons, take it as a cue to party.
5. Even when you’re looking out for other people, remember to look out for yourself.
6. Devote one day every year to self-care.
9. Figure out a daily routine that works and stick to it.
11. Win every bet you ever partake in… By betting on every possible option.
14. Use Beyoncé as a frame of reference to describe everything.
15. Hold on to a spirit of creative entrepreneurship.
Other investment ideas include: “Make-A-Baby Tuxedo clothing line. A department store with a guest list. White fur earmuffs for men. Contact lenses that display text messages. Invent a phone that smells good. Own a nightclub, call it Eclipse, that’s only open for one hour two times a year. Cover charge? Five thousand dollars.”
16. If someone farts during a heart attack, cope by referring to their medical condition as a “fart attack.”
18. Be willing to make sacrifices for the things you care about.
19. Streamline the dating process by having a comprehensive list of dating Oh No Nos.
22. Tweak your household appliances for maximum partying efficiency.
23. Install imaginary snooze buttons into anyone you find boring. Never be bored again.
25. Have someone pre-instructed to clear your browser history in case of emergency.
- Budapest's main train station has opened its doors after a two-day stand-off, during which hundreds of people without a valid European Union visa weren't allowed on trains. ›
- Guatemalan President Otto Pérez Molina has resigned amid a lengthy corruption scandal that has brought his government to the brink. ›
- China's President Xi Jinping has said army personnel will be reduced by 300,000, the biggest cut to the military in almost two decades. ›