1. Football only tangentially involves both feet and balls.
2. And “Greek Life” is a thing that has nothing to do with Greece.
Until it does.
3. The ground floor of a building is called the first floor.
And the first floor is called the second floor. Help.
4. Mac ‘n’ cheese is extremely serious business.
Liking it might get you stabbed, but disliking it will get you deported.
5. And it is acceptable to eat breakfast foods at any time of the day.
God bless America.
6. Fahrenheit: It is never as warm as it sounds.
Back home, “eighty degree weather” means the world is ending.
7. Morals are nationally programmed by Disney.
Even if they are a little suspect…
8. If “Get Low” ever plays at any establishment, it is culturally required to drop everything you’re doing and to start rapping instead.
9. Also, speaking of music, country music is everywhere.
10. You have the inalienable right to put peanut butter on literally anything.
11. And while you’re at it, you can deep fry whatever you want, too.
13. Some people’s pets have more expensive clothing than you do.
Also their food budgets are probably higher than yours.
14. And the President has more swag than you.
15. Your American peers can vote, drive and marry before they can crack open a beer.
(They can also join the military and buy guns and stuff.)
16. Asking a new acquaintance where they’re from is always an adventure.
18. You will always get served more food than any human should eat in one sitting.
19. But you’ll probably also have enough soda to wash it all down.
20. There are drive-thrus for everything.
Which is both convenient and concerning.