1.
Football only tangentially involves both feet and balls.
2.
And "Greek Life" is a thing that has nothing to do with Greece.
3.
The ground floor of a building is called the first floor.
4.
Mac 'n' cheese is extremely serious business.
5.
And it is acceptable to eat breakfast foods at any time of the day.
6.
Fahrenheit: It is never as warm as it sounds.
7.
Morals are nationally programmed by Disney.
8.
If “Get Low” ever plays at any establishment, it is culturally required to drop everything you’re doing and to start rapping instead.
9.
Also, speaking of music, country music is everywhere.
10.
You have the inalienable right to put peanut butter on literally anything.
11.
And while you're at it, you can deep fry whatever you want, too.
12.
You will never get used to this nation-wide lapse in logic.
13.
Some people's pets have more expensive clothing than you do.
14.
And the President has more swag than you.
15.
Your American peers can vote, drive and marry before they can crack open a beer.
16.
Asking a new acquaintance where they're from is always an adventure.
17.
Everyone has perfect teeth. Seriously, everyone.
18.
You will always get served more food than any human should eat in one sitting.
19.
But you'll probably also have enough soda to wash it all down.
20.
There are drive-thrus for everything.
21.
Americans are the most patriotic people you will ever meet.
22.
Which is why the flag is all over everything.
So there might be a few surprises, but you're gonna love it here.
And America will love you back.
