16 Clues “Saved By The Bell’s” Bayside High Was The Training Ground For A Top-Secret Military Operation

Saved by the Bell premiered 24 years ago this week, and not surprisingly, the Berlin Wall fell a few months later. Coincidence? Every conspiracy theorist worth his weight in Buddy Bands knows Bayside High was a training camp for some of the Cold War’s greatest military cover-ups.

1. Bayside has an extensive collection of obstacle course equipment.

Via www.spreegoogs.com

Rubber tires, monkey bars, ropes courses, jousting equipment… they even have their own ROTC program. But that’s what you’ll need to train an elite squadron of picture-puzzle solving, pineapple upside-down cake baking super soldiers.

2. Bayside has an unusually high population of nerds

Via http://www.tumblr.com

Pocket-protector protectors don’t invent themselves… and neither do high-tech military weapons.

3. Slater’s father is a high-ranking officer in the military

Via savedbythebellblog.com

Ever wonder why Bayside was the first school Slater stayed in for more than 6 months?

4. Kelly’s father is a defense contractor

Via savedbythebellblog.com

…that is, until world peace broke out.

5. Screech owns a robot

Via www.alannoah.com

I mean, did you *see* Short Circuit??

6. The gang competes to be the most American

Via www.savedbythebellblog.com

The 4th of July means 50%-off sales at all major department stores? Go back to Russia, Lisa. This is Miss Liberty.

7. Bayside teaches courses on brainwashing your friends…

Via www.savedbythebellblog.com

Didn’t they use a Bo Revere tape in The Manchurian Candidate?

8. …and provides hands-on experience in wire-tapping

Via savedbythebellblog.com

The missing 18 minutes of the Watergate tapes is really just Kelly debating who to take to the Girls’ Choice Dance.

9. Bayside trains you how to go undercover…

Via www.savedbythebellblog.com

Screech’s many costumes (Sinead O’Connor, Barbara Bush, a giant hot dog, etc.) were ideal for any stealth operation behind enemy lines.

10. …and how to operate under high-stress situations

Via savedbythebellblog.com

We all know where *this* is going.

11. Bayside sits on top of a large oil reserve

Via savedbythebellblog.com

Nothing says military-industrial complex like a school board-approved, no-bid contract with CalStar Oil, am I right?

12. Bayside owns a conveyor belt

Via www.thiessenpictures.com

Because how else can you mass produce spaghetti sauce, Buddy Bands, and semi-automatic assault rifles?

13. Bayside kidnaps brilliant ex-Soviet chess players

Via www.mattandtimefunny.blogspot.com

Spassky Bishop Block, or some kind of post-Cold War, Soviet Operation Paperclip?

14. It doesn’t take much to convince NASA that aliens are at Bayside

Via thiessenpictures.com

Lt. Thompson already knows Area 51 is somewhere between The Max, The Attic, and the Malibu Sands Beach Club.

15. This happened:

Via savedbythebellblog.com

Time out!

16. The Tori Paradox

Via www.elevenwarriors.com

Admit it: deep down you always sort of suspected the government was involved in Kelly and Jessie’s sudden, unexplained disappearance, and that Tori’s presence reeked of military cover-up. How else can you explain it?

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