12 Men In History Who Prove That Wisdom Is In The Beard

As a man grows his beard, he grows his brain.

1. Lysander Spooner

theadvocates.org

Legacy: Defended natural rights. Offended those who cannot naturally grow hause beards.

2. Plato and Aristotle

upload.wikimedia.org

Legacy: Greek philosophers by day, Master Beard Bros by night

***NOTE: Plato is known as the greatest Greek philosopher. Plato has the longer beard. Coincidence? I think not.

3. Galileo

daviddarling.info

Legacy: Noted that the moon was "not unlike the face of the earth." But your face is unlike the face of the earth, Galileo, because your face has a beard.

4. Epicurus

epicurus.info

Legacy: "Gardner Philosopher" who didn't prune his manly face garden.

5. Max Weber

Legacy: Defined four ideal types of rationality. Had an irrational talent for growing pointy satan beards.

6. Alexander Bain

en.wikipedia.org / Via en.wikipedia.org

Legacy: Innovative in psychology, linguistics, logic, moral philosophy, education reform...and growing beards without a center. It's basically the donut of the beard world, and everybody loves donuts. We applaud you Alexander.

7. Charles Darwin

i.telegraph.co.uk

Legacy: Studied finches, got the wenches.

8. Karl Marx

upload.wikimedia.org

Legacy: Wrote The Communist Manifesto, manifested his manhood beard style.

9. Pythagoras

webspace.ship.edu

Legacy: Developed the Pythagorean Theorem...grew the Pythagorean Beard. So fly he studied flies.

10. Socrates

classicalwisdom.com

Legacy: Developed the Socratic Method...of beard growing.

11. Confucius

shunya.net

Legacy: Teacher, editor, politician, inspiration for a religion, master of beard growing.

Confucius say, "Never give a sword to a man who can't dance (or grow a beard)"

12. And for those of you unable to grow a beard....

wordpress.com

There's Isaac Newton, who, frustrated from his inability to grow a beard, developed calculus so that the world could understand how much it was derive-ing him crazy.