Why I (and You Should) Hate the Dog from Bush's Baked Beans

Listen up Duke, the dog from Bush’s Baked Bean commercials. You are the worst fucking pet and overall a complete waste of life. You spend your time trying to sell the secret Bush Baked Bean recipe to turn a quick buck and basically being a complete and utter douchebag. And what is “Duke?” Is that even a name? . . . no, I’m not going there. There’s not enough time and frankly you’re not worth it. I don’t know what kind of God would even let you have a name. So you want to use the Bush’s Bean fortune to lead your new rock star lifestyle? Let’s examine some fallacies in your hastily thought out plan, Duke.