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1. Do you really want to fancy a guy who takes horse riding this seriously?
2. Who the hell would want to turn up to an event with a man who looked like this?
3. Only a maniac would imagine someone with eyes like this making sweet sweet love to them into the early hours
4. You do not want to be besotted with a man who hangs around in bushes all day
5. And look at him scoffing junk food. Disgusting
6. It's difficult to watch him skipping and doing press-ups without vomiting a little in your mouth
View this video on YouTube
Imagine how much he'll smell. Absolutely revolting.
7. No one likes a blue-eyed man in impeccable uniform who's prepared to lay down his life for his country, mate
8. Everyone looks like this in black-and-white photos, so there's nothing to see here
9. Being a rich, successful movie star is actually a bit of a cliché
10. Imagine turning up to a dinner and having to say you came with this guy
11. He does all this life-changing charity work apparently, but whatever
12. He's a show-off, basically
13. Do you really want to be with a bloke who believes that men and women should be treated equally?
14. You deserve someone who washes regularly
15. It would just get tiring having an orgasm every time he said something to you
You have to go to work, and with Hiddleston that just wouldn't be feasible. You'd be reduced to a jelly as soon as he said, "Do you want some Frosties?"
16. If he talks like this all the time, you're not going to understand him
17. He would insist on dancing better than you at all times
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