The 12 Most Annoying People On Facebook

Facebook can be a wonderful way to communicate with others and keep up with old friends. Some people try to ruin that, so here are some of the personality types on Facebook that make you want to punch them in the jugular.

1. The Observer:

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They use facebook only to look at pictures of nieces, nephews, and grandchildren, keep up with old friends, and shake their heads at people like me (an instigator). These people may post an occasional update about surgery outcomes or upcoming holiday wishes, but posts are kept at a minimum and are always politically correct and mundane.The observer is someone who uses social media for it's original intentions. They are only annoying because they are so perfect.

2. The Complainer/Prayer-Requester:

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You know this friend. This is the one whose world is always ending because the paper boy missed their driveway, the dog got a hangnail, or their child ate rice that was still semi-hard. The first time you read a post from this person, you thought they may have been sarcastic about the request for prayer for something so ridiculous, but in time you realize they are unbelievably serious. You constantly think about hiding that person's posts, but you are afraid of missing the entertainment factor that is attached to the things this person thinks are worthy of a prayer request or Facebook update. When I see these posts, I try to counteract their menial prayer requests with prayers that they lose their Facebook password. I know Jesus says to come to him with all of our problems, but leave some air space for real problems, like someone with a dog who has a whole paw of hangnails, not just one.

3. The Vague Poster:

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These people post things like, "When will it happen?" and "What in the world??" ... nothing more. That is annoying. Did you want me to post "when will WHAT happen?" or "what is going on?" ...

Because I am not going to.

4. The Account Sharers:

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Married couples. Best friends. Parent and child. I have a newsflash: Facebook is free. You can BOTH have an account. For free. Then we wouldn't have to wonder which of you two douchebags is posting when you write on our pages. You could have your own picture. And you wouldn't have to awkwardly sign your posts with your name, like it isn't supposed to be at the top of the post next to your picture anyways.

5. The Fake Namers:

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These people have Facebook names that aren't their real ones. Some of these fools use their real first and last name, and only a nonsensical middle name. You know, Charlotte 'Makin'DatMoney' Sanders, Jimmy 'AllNightLong' Williams, and Cherice 'BaddestBossBitch' Jones. We may not know much about you, but one thing we know for sure is that whatever you put in quotations as your middle name is something that you are not actually doing in your life. Some of these people use names that are not anything like theirs to begin with. If your name is Sally Portland and you have a Facebook under the name of Jill Fox, you make us wonder who you murdered. If you're hiding from someone, why do you have a social media account at all?

6. The Facebook Millionaires:

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They cash their check on payday, make a fan out of their bills, lay it on a scratched up coffee table, and take a picture of it next to a bottle of Ciroc vodka. The caption of this photo is likely "turnin' up tonite," or something of the sort. That doesn't make you look rich. It makes you look like an imbecile. Go pay your light bill and your rent, and if there is any money left, put it in your savings account like a responsible adult.

7. The Instigator:

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I am an instigator. I can admit this. We like to post things that will raise an emotion in someone else, either in hopes that we will cause someone to giggle about extremists or cause extremists to have heightened blood pressure. Either way, we laugh. I like to post things that point out seemingly obvious world truths, at least in my limited understanding of the world. Most instigators post things that poke fun at extremists on either side of an issue and are highly sarcastic in nature. Like this article.

8. The Passionate Persuader:

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These are my favorite. These are the extremists who actually think they can use Facebook to change someone's opinions. You people are why there are Instigators. We like to get you riled up. You comment on someone's status who obviously doesn't agree with your opinion, and then are up in arms when they write back to you disagreeing or delete whatever you put on their page; you knew they didn't have the same views when you posted it, you simpleton. Whether you are a democrat, republican, liberal, conservative, gay-friendly, homophobic, white supremacist or black panther, it is doubtful that you formulated those views from what you read on Facebook. Logically, no one will form an opinion aligned with yours just because you "showed them the light" by sharing an outlandish one-sided article or told them they would go to hell if they disagree.

9. The Share or Die People:

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These are funny. They post things that say "Share this post if you love Jesus. If you don't, it means you want to re-crucify him on the cross and bathe in his blood," or "Share this if you care about people with cancer. If you scroll by, it means you want starving children from Africa to burn in hell." No, it doesn't. It means I'm busy, and that I'm not an idiot. These are the same type of people who post new disclaimers that someone told them Facebook requires every month about how you can't use their pictures or copy anything that they say.

10. The Do-Gooders:

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You know this type; they post a picture every time they ladle one bowl of soup at a homeless shelter. These people feel the need to publicly post all of the things they have ever done to make the world a better place, like it makes the rest of us look at you in awe. It doesn't; it makes you look egotistical and self-serving. They tag their location when they donate things to goodwill and they hash tag something like #savingtheworld or #makingadifference. No, you're not. If you want to make a difference in all of our lives, you should disappear.

11. Facebook Gangsters:

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These guys post things like "man if i was anywhere near you i would stab you in the throat." No, you wouldn't. Real gangsters don't use facebook; they use real cars to drive to real people's houses and stab them in the throat with real knives. And they don't leave evidence, like facebook comments, to lead the police to them. Sit down, you're a tool.

12. Facebook Saints:

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These people provide us with our daily dose of religion. They share Joyce Meyer's Facebook posts daily, post the scripture from their daily devotion, and post their testimony weekly in case someone missed it the first 700 times they posted it. We get it, you have the spirit of Jesus in you and you can't hold it in any longer! Fantastic! But it freaks the rest of us out, and worst of all, it turns some people away because you're being really creepy. Even if we're not freaked out, we skip over it because it's the same thing every day and we know what your posts are going to say. Post about it sometimes, but break it up with posts about what you're having for dinner and what happened at the mall. That makes it much less creepy and more inviting.

If you are offended by any of this, then that means I am talking about you. I meant to draw that emotion from you because I am an instigator. You can boycott my blog from now on; pretend I'm A&E and you are a Phil Robertson fan.