100 Things Every Call Center Employee Thinks
We all think these things. Admit it.
Yes ma'am I am here to help
1. It’s early.
2. I need coffee.
3. I need snacks.
4. I hate taking calls
5. Hey! A call.
6. No I do not understand your frustration.
7. No I do not know how loyal of a customer you are.
8. No I will not compensate you for your inconvenience.
9. I need soda.
10. I need a smoke.
11. Oh you have a lawyer? Okay than.
12. I have to pee.
13. Oh this customer has cancer. Shocker. This is why we should give him free stuff.
14. Oh this customer’s wife/kid/dog has cancer. Shocker. And he wants me to help him because of it.
15. Oh this customer transports kids with cancer to Disneyland. And he wants me to help him because of it.
16. Well this customer is crazy.
17. Don’t forget the tagline.
18. Oh this customer helps disabled veterans while carrying sick kids and walking sad puppies. And he wants me to help him because of it.
19. No sir, I will not make an exception for you because you are in the army.
20. If you know so much about our product why don’t you fix it yourself?
21. You are not my only customer.
22. Do you even know what a warranty is, sir?
23. Oh you went to college with the CEO? Call him than.
24. Shut up so I can explain why you are wrong.
25. I need a smoke.
26. This dude seriously lacks common sense.
27. I’m your advocate, not an ATM.
28. Break!
29. Now I get to smoke.
30. Grab a soda.
31. Need to pee.
32. Crap! Break over.
33. I want to go home.
34. More calls.
35. No I will not give you $30,000 for one month’s lost time.
36. If you make $30,000 a month why are you buying our product?
37. Repeat yourself a sixth time, I did not understand you the first five.
38. Yes the modification you did to our product makes you look like an ____
39. How about you take responsibility for your own actions sir/ma’am.
40. Yes you have to pay your bill
41. No I will not pay your bill.
42. No I will not give you free stuff.
43. I’m hungry.
44. I need a smoke.
45. I need more soda.
46. This guy talks a lot, time for Facebook.
47. If I get another Farmville request I am going to scream.
48. I wonder what they have lunch for today.
49. OMG, this guy is still talking.
50. I like talking to this customer’s wife better, she’s sane.
51. Your payments are how much!? Man you must have really bad credit.
52. Which means you have really bad spending habits.
53. This couple is not on the same page, I bet their marriage is failing.
54. He hung up!
55. Another call.
56. No I will not give you the CEOs number.
57. No (Insert compensator here) does not give theirs out either.
58. Oh the boss is coming!
59. GET OFF FACEBOOK!
60. OMG he hung up. Thank you.
61. LUNCH!
62. Smoking.
63. Man this break room is nasty.
64. No one cleans the tables.
65. Oh look, a broken microwave.
66. It’s so loud in here.
67. It’s James! He is so cute.
68. Hide from James.
69. Lunch is over. Stupid calls.
70. I still want to go home.
71. Gah, supervisor call.
72. Oh James took my sup call, great.
73. I should check my email at some point.
74. Oh, an email from James. About the sup call.
75. Free doughnut Fridays! I’m down.
76. Oh, it was last Friday.
77. I should REALLY read my email more.
78. Another call.
79. This customer is nice.
80. I shall give her stuff!
81. Last break.
82. More soda.
83. Smoking.
84. Home soon?
85. Another call.
86. Oh you’ve been in customer service for 20 years? Than I am sure you know how much of a jerk you are.
87. I called a Miss and Mrs. Great, now she finds me disrespectful.
88. Oh now she insists I call her Doctor. Love these people.
89. Ohh Doctor Who. I should watch that.
90. OMG, this customer is terrible.
91. I need to pee again.
92. I need to smoke again.
93. It’s James!
94. Whip out more empathy as he walks by. Impress James.
95. I’m tired.
96. Time to go! YAY!
97. Look out of my phone and computer.
98. Wait, don’t leave first. You’ll look like a slacker.
99. Check phone again.
100. 5:01. PEACE!
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