Well Done! You're More Boring Than Racist

Battling racism is like battling a rap legend who hasn't updated his style in 20 years. Like Kurtis Blow. Y'all remember Kurtis Blow? Like, you would have had me when rap first started, but now everybody's a rapper.

I'm not racist. I hate all people equally.

Yeah, because of their race. Step yo racist game up.

The Civil War was about states' rights

Well, one states' right specifically, but hey, why are we talking about this?

Do you play basketball?

I'll be the first to admit you could be asking because of my height, but I know you're not. I can see it in your boring eyes.

I'm black from the waist down.

Not funny. Not because it's racist, which it is, but because humor has updated pretty significantly in just the past ten years and how did you find me at work?

I can't be racist. I've never even seen a black person.

Alright, I'm from Atlanta. I'll admit this is a fresh take on the subject.

My boyfriend/girlfriend is black, so I can't be racist.

My girlfriend is white and I still have a deep fear of everyone that's not her, so...

So where are you really from?

Africa. I'm from Africa. I only say I'm from Georgia when I'm lying.

Can I touch your hair?

Can you do it as I fall asleep from how boring that question is?

Why do you date our women?

Well, first of all, you should really think about your use of the term "our women" when you refer to them. The implied ownership is actually really harmful to their sense of independence and upward mobility, which is difficult enough to have for any person who isn't a straight, white male, and to answer your question, they produce a sweet nectar from their breasts that makes me good at sports. Is that what you want to hear?

I saw a black person in London. Are all black people in London?

Uhhh...