22 Reasons
So, maybe I don't actually have 22 reasons for why Zayn matters to me. At least I can't parse them out into numerical reasons. They're all sort of intertwined. But it's a convenient number based on the fanart I slaved over for his birthday this past January. But, nevertheless, there are a lot of reasons why Zayn has impacted me.
How did I get into One Direction anyways? I often ask myself the question. I've bounced around fandoms for years, my naissance is rooted in anime, Naruto specifically, back when I was a mere twelve years old. Alas, One Direction had only ever crossed my mind as thing to mock since their inception in 2010 on the X-Factor. Though I surely had no clue who they were then.
It was summer 2013, I was in China doing environmental science research. The previous year however I had done some gender and sexuality research on androgyny and crossdressing in fashion, my main focus was Andrej Pejic, pre-transition. In one of my googling searches I came across the Best Song Ever music video. And was this beautiful woman I saw really a member of the famous boy band? I could hardly believe my eyes. And from that moment on I was hooked.
After that it was all downhill. I did the usual. Watched all their music videos, Vevo interviews, funny moments, of course the video diaries. There was always something about Zayn though. I don't know if it was the quiff, or the voice, or the face, but I was intrigued by him. The only splash of something different in an otherwise very white boy band. The aspect of religion always fascinated me. Zayn's probably the most prominent Muslim celebrity in the Western World. Maybe not every one knows he is Muslim, or even that he's half-Pakistani, but I don't think that matters. He's received more than enough flack, criticism, and racially driven threats in the past five years.
As a woman of color, Zayn's handling of this sort of crap that is thrown at him has been inspirational. Yeah, he deleted his twitter once in 2012, but he's been back for a while. His "#FreePalestine" tweet was incredibly ballsy and unlike bad girl Ri-Ri he never took it down. There's something to be said at the sort of quiet intensity he has both in his singing and in the way he approaches these sorts of issues.
Now, to the meat of all of this. On March 25th, I was completely shocked to find out Zayn was leaving One Direction. I wept for a large portion of the day Wednesday and on Thursday. The scary part was I didn't even know why. I had never been to a One Direction show (though I had bought tickets to OTRA) and I didn't even listen to their music as much as I pretended to on tumblr. His decision forced to me to examine what I was doing in my own life and why I was so 1daf in the first place.
When it boils down to it my love of Zayn is complex. He's beautiful first off, really really attractive. He's got a great voice. He seems quirky and mysterious sure. His love of art. January 2015 was a wild time for 1d fanartists, because Zayn recognized us and shared our art with the world. He didn't mock us or think we were weird for what we did, which was pretty cool. All the stuff I mentioned earlier about race and religion are perhaps a more subtle part of this. Without Zayn in One Direction, I'm thinking of selling my tickets. Without Zayn in One Direction, I haven't listened to their music in weeks.
Maybe I'm naturally not as curious as I should be. I don't even want to touch the cheating scandals and 'the missus'. It really is not any of our business at the end of the day. But the circumstances for why Zayn left the band have caused a lot of anger and hurt amongst fans. Fans screaming 'BETRAYAL' started after all these solo rumors cropped up. (I prefer #ZOLO2K15). Maybe it's because I'm 21 and questioning everything in my life in preparation for college graduation that has allowed me to take a step back and really think of it all. In the Sun article Zayn was quoted with saying that it wasn't real for him anymore. And that he wasn't happy. So in that way I'm glad he quit.
If I'm really honest with myself, I don't even learn the words to the parts of 1d songs that are not sung by Zayn (or Harry my second fave). Plus I've had "I Won't Mind" and a sick Hounded remix of it on repeat since they came out.
It's only a demo and he sounds more than alright on it. I've been waiting for a while now to hear him alone on a track, so I was pretty pleased to hear it, despite the somewhat underhanded and dramatic way it was released to the public. Naughty Boy is a whole can of worms that I don't even want to address. Anyways, at the end of the longest and most dramatic week or so of my life, I realized my only ties to One Direction were my love of Zayn Malik and Zayn Malik & Co. It's an adjustment to make in some ways. Watching all the concert videos and poring over LQs of them isn't something I really want to do anymore.
When I was talking to my non-1d friend, I liked Zayn leaving One Direction to our friend who had graduated a semester early. We always knew we'd graduate eventually. But her early departure shocked and hurt us. I know she's moving on with her life, has some job prospects and everything. So, the same with Zayn. One Direction wasn't something that would go on forever. If it did, that'd be a little weird. Maybe Zayn will go solo maybe he won't. I'm hoping for the former because I'm a selfish fan and I know he's in the studio doing whatever. If it results in an album I'll be more than happy. One Direction continuing on as a four piece is a little strange to me. I always assumed they'd go out together or something. I can only hope that Zayn and the other boys left on good terms. Even if they didn't, you can't take away the near five years they spent together and made loads of people happy.
Both Zayn and I may have grown out of One Direction. But I'm going to stick around and see what happens next for him. I have this hope that one day twenty years from now, Zayn Malik will be an innovative and amazing singer who just happened to have had his career start in a very popular boy band called One Direction. I wish him the best though. As Zayn said in the Four Hangout in November, "I creep quite regularly". He'll be around and I know I will be as well.
Here's to the future!
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