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That opening line sounds about as genuine as a love confession on The Bachelor.
Ariel? Really? It's barely a cut above Comic Sans
Why didn’t I just stick with ‘committed’? ‘Devoted’ is creepy AF.
‘Jolly’ felt like an original word to use at the time...
They can totally tell I rely on Words built-in thesaurus.
I haven’t changed my ‘achievements’ section since I left school.
I did not need to refer to myself as a former Subway ‘sandwich artist’
In fact they probably didn’t need to know all that detail about sandwich artistry in general
Please don’t call my fake reference.
Please let my real reference remember who I am.
And let them not dob me in for the fierce exaggeration of my roles and responsibilities
Actually, on second thoughts, maybe I got this.
I think I've lost it.
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