1. You check celebrity gossip sites regularly.
“How else am I supposed to keep up with all the news? WHAT IF SOMETHING HAPPENS?”
2. Your phone background is a celebrity.
Your friend: “It’s so sad, everyone has photos of their kids as their screensaver and mine is of my pet, haha.”
You: “… My phone background is a photo of Paris Hilton and her parents in the 90s.”
3. Your Twitter feed is 90% celebrity retweets.
“Yes, I absolutely do need to retweet EVERY Mindy Kaling and B.J Novak interaction. In fact, is there some kind of app I can use to automatically retweet them both?”
4. You’re following more celebrities than real-life friends on Instagram.
“Yes I’m following over a hundred celebrities… aren’t you? How do you keep up with their lives then?”
5. You can name more than 30 reality TV stars by their full names and you watch those shows RELIGIOUSLY.
*waits while you count them off*
Hint: That’s Stassi Schroeder and she is the FLAWLESS QUEEN of Vanderpump Rules.
6. You’ve organised your life around watching a reality show.
“Okay so it’s not that I don’t want to hang out, I do, I just… I really need to know what’s going on with Teresa and Joe Giudice because, you know, they’re up against all those federal charges and I… I just really need to see how it plays out. How’s Friday for you though?”
7. You’ve booked a day off work months ahead of time… to stay home and watch an award show.
“Yes, I absolutely need the day off, the VMAs are EVERYTHING!”
8. You’ve cancelled real life plans because something big is happening with one of your favourite celebrities and you CANNOT miss it.
“I CAN’T COME OUT BEYONCÉ JUST DROPPED AN ENTIRE NEW ALBUM AND THERE’S VIDEOS FOR EVERY SONG OMG TTYL.”
9. You’ve been “Kristen Bell with a sloth” excited and started crying over celebrity news.
“RiRi’s new song is just so perfect, I can’t even deal right now #shakingandcrying”
10. You’ve been genuinely concerned for the wellbeing of a celebrity.
“I just love Britney so much, I just want her to be happy and healthy, even if it means she steps out of the limelight.”
11. You have a strong opinion on every celebrity topic from Kylie Jenner’s possibly-enhanced lips to whether Leo will ever win an Oscar.
“You think JELENA belong together? You’re delusional, I can’t even believe you just said that tbh, they’re such a mess together.”
12. You own at least one piece of clothing with a celebrity’s face on it, and you wear it unironically.
“Yes, I am wearing a shirt with a photo of Britney, Method Man and Redman hanging out together on it, would you like to hear the story about how this photo came to exist because I can literally tell you right now if you’ve got the time.”
13. You’ve bought something solely because it was endorsed by one of your favourite celebrities.
“You like my lipstick? Oh thanks! It’s RiRi Woo, from Rihanna’s MAC collection.”
14. This hits a little too close to home:
15. You’re an active member of an online fandom.
Brought together by a mutual love for your favourite celebrity, you have friends online who you may never have met in real life, but you know are only a tweet away if anything newsworthy happens.
16. You’ve argued with someone online about your favourite celebrity.
“Stay jealous of my fave, hater. xo”
17. You’ve argued with someone in real life about your favourite celebrity.
“Listen to what I’m saying though because I literally don’t think you understand what I’m trying to tell you right now… “
18. You’ve attended a convention with the sole purpose of meeting a celebrity, or paid an exorbitant amount of money for a meet and greet before a concert.
Standing in line: “OhmyGodohmyGodohmyGodohmyGod.”
During the meet and greet: “Hi… *photograph* I love you, bye!”
Picking up your photo: “*sigh* SO worth it. They’re everything.”
19. You suspect that if you ever unexpectedly had a chance to say more than a sentence to your favourite celebrity, it would go something like this:
Honey: “Oh God, this is one of those key moments in life, when it’s possible you can be really genuinely cool and I, I’m going to fail just a hundred percent! I- I absolutely, totally and utterly adore you… and I just think you are the most beautiful woman in the world. And more importantly, I genuinely believe, and I’ve believed for some time now, that *laughs* that we could be best friends!”